If someone has come to see that their early years were anything but nurturing, they can wonder why they were treated so badly. However, it might have taken them years to arrive at this point.

The reason for this is that their brain is likely to have blocked out what happened and they might have had a positive view of the parent or parents who mistreated them. If this is the case, their brain will have blocked out what happened to allow them to keep it together and function.

The Other Part

As there wouldn’t have been anything that they could have done to stop what was taking place, this was would have been their only option. If this hadn’t taken place, they would have been overwhelmed and their life would have probably come to an end.

And, by forming a positive view of their parent or parents, it would have also made it easier for them to handle what happened. This is because, as they were powerless and dependent, they wouldn’t have been in a position to accept that one or both of their parents couldn’t love them and were not on their side.

A Defence

Their parent or parents would then have been the good ones and they would have been the bad ones, which would have also given them the hope that they could earn their love. But, as it wasn’t a case of their parent or parents being good and them being bad, and there was very little, if any, love on offer, it wouldn’t have mattered what they did.

So, now that they have been able to see clearly and have the sense, even if it is only a small sense, that they didn’t deserve to be treated in this way, it is to be expected they would wonder why their parent or parents behaved as they did. Most likely, this was something that crossed their mind very early on but was soon suppressed.

A Closer Look

Assuming that it was only one parent who was abusive or that one parent was more abusive than the other, this parent might have often been verbally and physically abusive. This parent will then have been very cruel.

What this is likely to show is that they lacked empathy and didn’t have a very good connection with their emotional self. If this wasn’t the case, it wouldn’t have been possible for them to have continually behaved in this way.

A Damaged Brain

They will then have looked human but they wouldn’t have had a very good connection with their humanity. What this is likely to show is that their ability to empathise had been damaged, with this being a sign of how weak their connection was with their emotional self.

Instead of them having access to their thoughts, feelings and instincts, then, their brain would have been ‘wired’ differently. And the reason their brain was wired differently is also likely to have been why they carried so much hate and contempt toward their child.

Back In Time

During their formative years, they might have also been greatly deprived and deeply wounded by one or both of their parents. Thus, being verbally and physically abused, as well as being neglected, might have been the norm.

It could go back further than this, though, as their time in their mother’s womb and/or their birth might have been traumatic. Either way, this would have been a stage of their life when they were unable to grow and develop in the right way, with them experiencing a lot of pain.

Self-Alienation

As they were continually violated as a child, they would have experienced a lot of anger, rage, hate, contempt and disgust. That’s in addition to feeling helpless, hopeless, worthless, rejected and abandoned.

Yet, as they were powerless and dependent, they couldn’t fight back and how they felt had to be removed from their conscious awareness and repressed, to allow them to keep it together and function. The connection that they had to themselves, assuming that they were connected to themselves during their childhood, would have gradually been lost, with them developing a disconnected and unfeeling false self.

The Next Stage

As the years passed and they became a parent, they would have still been in a disconnected and unfeeling state and carried a lot of pain. Thanks to how much pain they were carrying and how disconnected they were from their inner reality, they were unlikely to have had a very good connection with their outer reality.

Due to this, when their child didn’t do what they wanted, for instance, they wouldn’t have been able to see them clearly. They would have unknowingly projected the parent that they had into them and some of the feelings that they experienced as a child when they were being violated, would have entered their conscious awareness, giving them the need to punish their child.

Indirect Revenge

Based on how they behaved, it could be said that they were experiencing a form of psychosis. This is because they were seeing things in their child that they themselves didn’t possess.

Their child was an innocent being who was not a threat to them, but they were seen as a being that was a threat and deserved to be punished. Therefore, they had the eyes to see clearly but a damaged brain that prevented them from doing so.

Deeply Damaged

As a result of how damaged they were, then, and their inability to see clearly, they caused a lot of harm. If they were also treated in a way that was very similar during their formative years, this type of ‘child rearing’ could go back many generations.

Taking this into account, as one has become aware of what is going on and is healing their inner wounds, they will have drawn the line. The people before them had neither the awareness nor the tools to do so.

Awareness

If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

Author's Bio: 

Author, transformational writer, teacher and consultant, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis cover all aspects of human transformation; including love, partnership, self-love, self-worth, enmeshment, inner child, true self and inner awareness. With over three thousand, seven hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice.

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