After thinking about some of the things that they experienced during their formative years, someone could find it hard to understand why they were treated so badly. But, if they were treated as though they were their parent or parent’s enemy as opposed to their child, this is to be expected.

There can be moments when they experience a lot of anger and rage and even be filled with hate. Then again, it could go further than this as they could often find it hard to focus on other areas of their life.

A Big Impact

If this is so, it might not matter if they are at work, with a friend or are working on a hobby as they won’t be able to be present. Naturally, this is going to have a negative impact on their mood and life.

If a friend, for instance, were to become aware of how they have changed, they could ask them if everything is ok. This could be a time when they will open up about what is going on for them.

One Outcome

After they have opened up about what is going on for them, their friend could be very supportive. However, they could tell them that they need to let go of their past as focusing on what happened is not serving them.

They could suggest that they stop thinking about what happened and focus on the life that they now have. After this, they could say that they are here if they ever want to talk about what they are going through.

The Next Phase

Assuming that this was to take place, one way of looking at this would be to say that what their friend has said is accurate. Clearly, how they feel about their past is having a negative impact on their mood and it is undermining their life.

They will then have suffered greatly during their formative years and although this stage of their life is over, they will continue to suffer. And, ultimately, they don't deserve to suffer and live a miserable life.

Another Angle

Nonetheless, as destructive as the anger, rage and hate will be on their mood and life, it is unlikely that they will just be able to let go of how they feel. For one thing, how are they supposed to let go of how they feel?

Are they supposed to take their feelings in their hand and throw them somewhere? This is then something that is often said but it is not really clear about how to achieve this outcome.

A Common Approach

At the same thing, this is often seen as something that can be achieved by thinking differently. This is unusually based on the view that one’s thoughts always create their feelings.

Thus, by changing their thinking, they will no longer have the same feelings. But, as true as this may appear to be, it is nothing more than a half-truth.

A Closer Look

The other part of this is that one’s thoughts can also unlock feelings. What this also illustrates is that they don’t begin and end with their conscious mind; there is another part of them, their unconscious mind.

This part of them contains material that their conscious mind has pushed aside and forgotten about. Taking this into account, merely changing their thoughts is not going to allow them to truly let go of their past.

Two Levels

Most likely, the anger, rage and hate that they experience when they think about what happened to them as a child is a sign that they are carrying emotional wounds from that stage of their life. Thus, if they merely change their thinking, their emotional wounds will still be in place.

In this case, changing their thoughts will have allowed them to be deceived into believing that they have moved on. Their conscious mind, a small part of them will have, but, their unconscious mind, a bigger part of them won’t have.

Another Part

Yet, to take a step back and put to one side the need to let go of their anger, rage and hate, what needs to be acknowledged is that these feelings are most likely serving as a defence as well as being connected to their emotional wounds. Therefore, if they were able to simply let go of these feelings, they are likely to soon end up feeling exposed and vulnerable.

Along with this, they can end up feeling helpless, hopeless and worthless. As destructive as these feelings will be, then, they will be playing a part in allowing them to feel safe and keep it together and function.

A Gradual Process

So, for them to change their mood and life, they will need to connect to the feelings that are below the anger, rage and hate that they feel and work through them. Part of this process will also involve them facing the anger, rage and hate that they felt but were unable to fully experience when they were being mistreated as a child.

This will take courage, patience and persistence.


If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

Author's Bio: 

Author, transformational writer, teacher and consultant, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis cover all aspects of human transformation; including love, partnership, self-love, self-worth, enmeshment, inner child, true self and inner awareness. With over three thousand, six hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice.

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