Chocolate and Boundaries (It's Not What You Think)

Last night, my children and I were chatting at bedtime and the topic of boundaries came up. "Do you know what a boundary is?" I asked my 6-year-old son. He answered that it was like a fence and people can't touch you when you don't want them to. I thought that sounded pretty good for a kindergartner.

Curious, I asked him, "What are daddy's boundaries?" He knew immediately. He said, "Don't touch the guitars in his studio because they will explode." His dad is a composer and has a recording studio filled with musical instruments and equipment and he is very clear that nobody is allowed to touch anything in there. I am assuming Ely added the bit about the explosion.

"What about mommy, what are my boundaries?" I continued. He thought for a minute and his answer was, "Nothing."

It's true. I don't have very clear boundaries with my children. In the process of becoming a mother, I had given them full reign over my life. It's a pattern that goes way, way back and I know I'm in good company but I couldn't believe it was so clear to him.

I realized this was one of those moments of pure information. As always with the truth, it was deeply unsettling. How can I teach my children to have clear and healthy boundaries if I don't have them? It 's time for some new ways of loving them completely, I thought.

Turning to my daughter, I asked her what her boundaries were and her perfectly 5-year-old answer was, "Chocolate."