Choose Your Look For You, Not Others

Whether we do it consciously or not, how we choose to adorn ourselves communicates messages to others. While we are often encouraged to not judge a book by its cover, we nonetheless find ourselves using people’s outward appearance as a clue about the person underneath. On one hand, we could find ourselves reacting prejudicially, making judgments about that person’s character that are unfounded. On the other hand, a person’s appearance may inform you at a glance that you have nothing in common with that person.

One of the challenges of growing from adolescence through young adulthood and ultimately maturity is the quest to establish an identity, both for ourselves and in relation to others. In high school, many people start to develop a sense of themselves that breaks from what they learned from their parents, and the impressions and judgments of peer groups become of prime importance. Given that this time period is when hormones are raging at full force, it is easy to get caught up in worrying about how other perceive you.

I would like to share my experiences with my appearance as it relates to my personal growth. I went through a phase, from age fifteen through age twenty-five, where I enjoyed making my appearance outlandish. I grew out my hair, which I wore in dreadlocks for two years, followed by a phase where I wore my hair in a large afro. As soon as I could, I grew facial hair, and for several years, I adorned my face with beards, moustaches and big sideburns.

I have required corrective lenses since childhood, and around the same time I started growing my hair long, I decided to switch from eyeglasses to contact lenses, to facilitate wearing a succession of different sunglasses styles. I went from John Lennon-style granny glasses to Risky Business-style Ray Bans before discovering Hunter S. Thompson and beginning the quest to find the perfect pair of aviator shades. Eventually I gave up on contact lenses. I needed new glasses, and my optometrist had a pair of tortoise-shell horn-rimmed glasses, in the classic 1950s shape. I wore those for a few years, until I broke the frames by sitting on them.

As I progressed through my college years, I felt my ideas about myself starting to change. It occurred to me that I was making myself look a certain way as an act of youthful rebellion. When you’re young, you often don’t realize that there are more perspectives out there other than your own. I realized I was trying to provoke reactions from people. It was a way to keep others at a distance. It occurred to me that there was no end in simply rebelling against things, especially superficial things. It would be a never-ending game in which I would always be the challenger. I was letting other people determine what I do.

It was also a way to hide. While nowadays, it’s not uncommon for young people to grow long, shaggy hair, or wear oversized “nerd” glasses ironically, I was about five to ten years ahead of that trend. I didn’t want to put myself in the “boxes” that seemed to be prescribed by our culture. But as I matured, I realized that all the adornments I had chosen were a way to hide myself. I was deliberately forcing people to judge me according to their prejudices. It occurred to me that the mature thing was to let other people worry about their prejudices and perceptions, and for me to just be myself.

It’s understandable that young people will go through periods of trial and error when figuring out what kind of image they will present to the world. But the ultimate goal is to become comfortable with yourself. Therefore, it’s best to choose your glasses and hairstyles to complement and enhance the attributes you have. Choose them for attractiveness, since you feel best about yourself when you put your best foot forward.

If you seek to build your self-worth by maintaining an identity instead of through achievement, you'll be in for a long struggle with no end.