Choose Your Friends Wisely

This article is a continuation of a previous one entitled “You Are Who You Frequent” in which the focus was directed to overcoming one’s negative habits by changing or reformatting a social group.

Your social network is a sum of the members of your family and the people with whom you work, live, share activities and conversations, enjoy free time, etc. Without necessarily being aware of it, these are the everyday models you use as social references, belief orientations, standards of achievement, and general comparisons. The bigger the network, the greater the influence, since the more one relates to others to define him/her self, the more goals and values will be adopted as a part of one’s personal identity.

If you are ready and willing to take on good habits, learn new skills, or engage in positive life changes then you might try seeking a social group in which what you’re in search for already exists. Our natural instinct is to search for role models, and our natural attitude of mimicry offers us an adaptive tool that must be used correctly and put into action only in the environments that suit us best.

For example, if you would like to be an enthusiastic and driven person in your work, then befriend those who have genuinely successful careers. You can admire and learn their way of life and their attitude. If you would like to be wise and insightful, then seek those with pure hearts, clear minds and with spiritual tendencies to which you can relate. If you would like to be adventurous and resolute, then seek a group of people who venture into new undertakings and engage enterprisingly into challenging activity.

One’s social network is rarely developed by happenstance. The relationships we choose to keep or let go are most often determined by our previous model of reality and are those who confirm our map. One’s social environment often reflects one’s direction in life. One can therefore begin to be consciously aware of the influences of social groups and benefit by being selective of the habits to adopt and those to avoid.

The following are ways one can begin to associate with a more desirable social group:

* First of all define your desired social entourage
* Use networking tools such as the internet as a resource to find people with particular interests in blogs, forums, and other such means.
* Get introduced to the people you admire who have the qualities you aspire
* Change your environment and meet people in a place where the habits you want are promoted

For example, perhaps you would like to adopt a healthy lifestyle. Try joining a gym, a yoga or martial art class. Or perhaps you would like to become more outgoing and self assured. Try joining a public speaking or a theatre group. Maybe it is positive parenting skills you desire. Try talking to other parents you know, joining a parent group or participating in school functions. Regardless of what behaviours and habits you would like to adopt, find other people who engage in similar activities as examples. In other words, be cognizant of the behaviours you would like to avoid and actively seek those you would like to adopt by choosing your friends wisely.