Christian Codependency - How to Detach and Still Stay Engaged in the Relationship

This article addresses Christian codependency by showing you how to detach and still stay engaged in the relationship. Detachment is the opposite of being attached or enmeshed. It is similar to differentiation or individuation where it is implied that you have a separateness that allows you to be who you are in the midst of a relationship. It is the opposite of Christian codependency where you are so dependent on another that you are unable to feel, be, choose, think and act independently to live your own life and feel overly responsible for others' choices.

God gives each of us stewardship of our lives, meaning we have the responsibility to choose how we want to live regardless of the choices others make. Matthew 12:36 tells us that we will each give an account to God of our own life only.

People commonly detach by completely un-attaching from their loved ones by pretending they don't care, or by emotionally or physically abandoning them. In other words, they can't detach and still engage in the relationship. How can you detach and still stay engaged? Follow these suggestions:

1. Separate emotionally, spiritually, mentally, and sometimes physically from the other person's choices and feelings by letting them take responsibility for their own choices. Let them deal with the consequences. Don't feel or be responsible for the other person's stuff.

2. Take responsibility for your own feelings and choices and how you respond to the person. Own your own stuff by not blaming the other person for how you respond.

3. Step back and view the relationship, as if you were a third party. Try to be objective about what is going on rather than emotionally reactive by taking everything personally.

4. Continue to have a relationship with the person with boundaries that protect you.

5. Communicate your sincere concern for the person and continue to do things that show how much you love them.

Relationship Prayer: God, help me to detach from the people I love by taking the responsibility to live my life and by giving them back the responsibility to live their own lives.

Relationship Challenge: Stay engaged in the relationship while not feeling responsible for the choices the other person is making.

You can detach and still stay engaged in the relationship. You can overcome Christian codependency by applying these truths and tips.