Christian Codependency: Keeping the Peace in Unhealthy Ways

Is your Christian codependency resulting in you keeping the peace in unhealthy ways? Here is a biblical example of someone who tried to keep the peace by covering up and fixing a problem codependently and as a result, it later escalated and caused more hurt and fallout. Absalom intervened when his brother, Absalom, raped their half-sister, Tamar. He tried to fix the problem by first going to his sister and telling her to quietly deal with her shame by living in his house and then he hid his anger toward his brother, Amnon, and killed him years later. The result couldn't have been worse. Tamar lived in shame all her life. Amnon lost his life and David refused to have a relationship with Absalom for years resulting in Absalom's resentment that led him to humiliate his father by sleeping with his concubines in the sight of Israel. Amnon deserved to be punished directly for his sin in an open way immediately. Keeping the peace temporarily didn't work. Here are ways we seek to keep the peace codependently:

• Covering up a problem instead of letting it be dealt with openly.
• Going to someone and telling them what to do with a problem situation.
• Speaking for people instead of letting them speak directly for themselves.
• Stepping into a relationship problem between two people and trying to fix it.
• Fixing a problem so the person who caused it doesn't have to suffer the consequences.
• Hiding your anger and resentment toward someone rather than confronting.
• Telling ourselves something is okay when it isn't because we don't want to rock the boat.

Here are ways to seek peace healthily:

• Openly dealing with a problem.
• Letting people figure out to deal with their own problems, unless they ask for help.
• Letting people speak for themselves directly to the people involved.
• Letting two people fix their own relationship problem without your meddling.
• Allowing people to suffer the consequences of their own choices.
• Rocking the boat when something bothers us by speaking our truth.

You don't have to let your Christian codependency result in you keeping the peace in unhealthy ways; instead, commit yourself to learning how to keep in peace in healthy ways..