Christian Marriage Help: Six Ways to Respond to Your Husband's Use of Pornography

Are you looking for Christian marriage help because your husband is using pornography? Here are six ways to respond to your husband's use of pornography:

1. Honesty. Be honest about how you are feeling about the porn and how it is affecting your relationship. Be honest about what you need. Be honest about the grieving process you need to go through. Until you are ready to set boundaries, just state what your needs and feelings are. You can say things like, "I am not sure what I will do if this continues" or "I don't agree that looking at pornography is okay, because it isn't with me."
2. Boundaries. When you are ready, state your boundaries regarding the pornography. State them with consequences for violating them only when you are ready to enforce them. You also need boundaries to protect you from financial loss and sexual diseases.
3. Detachment. You have to manage your response. This is your husband's problem to deal with. He has to hit his own bottom where he wants to stop. Your willingness to be honest about how this is affecting you and the relationship, as well as your boundaries, will help him reach his bottom. If you enable by covering up, tolerating, and pretending it is okay, you will prevent him from facing his own sin.
4. Support. Get support for yourself so you can get stronger and clearer on the problem and how to respond to it. You can reach out to a friend, family member, counselor, or 12 Step support group.
5. Prayer. Continue to pray for your husband and for the Holy Spirit to convict him. The Holy Spirit can use your honesty, boundaries, and actions to convict your husband (1 Peter 3:1-2). Pray for wisdom with timing and grace with any consequences, especially if your husband is trying to stop and is acknowledging the problem. Trust God with the outcome while praying for patience.
6. Awareness. It takes emotional maturity and awareness to manage your reaction. You will have "triggers," which are anything that reminds you of what your husband did. It could be a look, a phone call, being on the computer, not answering a cell phone, a touch, a movie, or anything else that reminds you of the sexual acting out. If you react in a way that harms the relationship, your reaction can contribute to a negative cycle in the marriage that prevents healing and intimacy. Recognize your triggers. Talk to your spouse or support person about them, so you can react in a way that isn't destructive.

This Christian marriage help gives you six ways to respond to your husband's use of pornography that will increase the probability that he will take the problem seriously and stop, even though it might take time for it to happen.