I was with my girlfriend for 9 weeks before we split on Christmas day! Everything was perfect we loved each other had talked about holiday and kids and even where we were going to get married and moving in together but the problem I had was I never thought I was good enough for her so I lied to her about my financial position saying I had a lot more money than I had.

When I first met her I had my own business and was earning good money so was in a position where I could give her everything, then when my business closed I was in a tight financial position and couldn't really afford to carry on the way I was, but continued regardless as I thought if she knew the truth then she wouldn't want me....regardless of how many times she told me she was with me for me and not what I did or could do for her. I just didn't feel good enough.

Then, Christmas day we had a petty argument and her sister told her all the things she had heard about me, from my financial situation, to why I left my previous job. The problem I have is the town I live in is very bad for gossip and rumors and everyone knows everyone.

She obviously believed her sister and I have only recently been able to talk to her and explain my side of the story. I told her all about my financial situation and the real reason I left my previous job and everything else she asked me I was completely honest about.

She was upset I had lied to her and had given me opportunities to come clean in the past but I didn't as I was scared I would lose her, as I couldn't give her everything and treat her how she deserved to be treated.

I made sure everything she wanted to do we did, if she wanted to go out for a meal we went, everything, even down to she had no money to buy her daughter Christmas presents so I gave her money to buy them.

I treated her daughter as though she was my own and loved them both unbelievably; they have every part of me.

I only did what I did because I never thought I was good enough for her and thought I was out of her league.

I have told her all this but she has contacted both my ex and someone I deemed to be a friend who has further stoked the fire, with their own version of events.

I cannot live without her and don't know what to do, I suggested us going away for a few days so I could show her how sorry I was and how much I am willing to do to show her I will never lie or hurt her again.

I don't know what to do as I just want her and her daughter back in my life

Please help me - thank you


Ok, it's official. This day will now forever be known as the "3 D's": the "Day of the Delusional Dude". You're the 4th Delusional Dude I've answered so far this morning!

So, where should I begin pointing out all the delusional things you've done (and are doing) here? Well, I'll just list a few:

* That you're not good enough for her

* That she's together with you for anything OTHER than what you can give her

* That you have at least one friend (the one that stoked the fire) - no "friend" there!

* That you "lied" to her

* That you can't live without this idiot

..and probably 100 other things I didn't mention or don't even know about!

Dude! You need to wake up here. You have financial issues going on and her reaction is to dump you? Don't you see what's going on? A real girlfriend would stand by you and be part of your team. This one is only with you when things are good.

Further, this isn't about lying at all! Do you honestly think she hasn't lied to you?? I don't even know this girl and I can assure you that's the case; not the least of which is that she didn't care about your financial situation. In fact, she care 100% because as soon as she learned it was an issue, she bolted! What does THAT tell you?

Now, she's punishing you and trying to make THAT the issue when in fact, she just realized that the gift train isn't stopping at her house anymore! She's actually punishing you for having financial problems! Don't you get it???

It's obvious that you and the daughter have grown close and she doesn't even care enough about her own daughter to try to work things out with you (as though there's anything to work out - other than her own selfish, self-centeredness!) She figures it's entirely ok now that Christmas is over because she got what she wanted all along. I'll bet she still went home with all the gifts you bought her and the kid, didn't she?

Man, it's time to wake the hell up and smell the cat shit because you're sleeping in it.

Here's even more reality: EVERYONE (and I do mean EVERYONE) lies. She's a huge liar but wants to hold YOU to some standard that even she can't meet. You see, this isn't about you lying at all. That's only the convenient excuse. It's about her being a selfish, spoiled little bitch. Oh, and by the way - you certainly helped her with this. I'm not putting all the blame on her at all!

Here's the bottom line: any girl that doesn't have your back when you have problems; any girl that doesn't make it her responsibility to support you when you have needs; any girl that wants to try to make you carry all the burden, be "totally and completely honest" when she, herself could never be; any girl that actually thinks it's ok to punish you like she's your mommy; any girl that listens to all these outside voices but ignores the most important one - yours - is a LOSER. She deserves the trailer park lifestyle she's building for herself.

YOU on the other hand need to get a handle on your own self-image! What makes you think you're in any way below such a bitch??? Where is YOUR self-esteem? Where is YOUR head? You were the prize here - absolutely not her!

YOU; however, are delusional to think that you've lost anything. In fact, you haven't. You've clarified exactly where this "all-in-it-for-me" piece of human waste is. Now, you get to enter the New Year with yourself intact - and not be stuck chasing someone that isn't worth walking 10 feet behind you.

Let her go and make the New Year the time you get this waste of energy, low self-esteem problem you have fixed once and for all. The girl you're with doesn't define you. Only you can do that; but she sure can weigh you down. Cast off this anchor and set sail already. New Year = new chances to become who you need to become.

Best regards...
Have a love, dating, sex or relationship question? You can write to me or get more information about “Being a Man in a Woman’s World tm” by going to: Be sure to check out the new BAM! TV at Follow me on Facebook ( and Twitter (

Copyright (c) 2009, Dr. Dennis W. Neder
All rights reserved.

Author's Bio: 

Dr. Neder is known around the world as a tough, but fair relationship expert, dealing with all sorts of dating, sex and relationship issues from a man's perspective. He has written 14 books ("Being a Man in a Woman's World™" series) and is working on 2 others. He's also written hundreds of articles, answered over 30,000 reader/viewer questions and has been on over a thousand radio and TV shows. "Dr. Dennis" is funny, direct and intuitive and has a unique ability to get right to the heart of the issue.

Do you have a burning question that needs an answer? Are you a man that wants to better experiences with women, or a woman that wants to better understand men? To learn more, go to and You can also follow his micro-blog at: