Closing the Communication Gap in Your Relationship
Written by Rachel Moheban
Isn’t it interesting how even when you and your partner speak the same language, you don’t always understand what he/she is saying?
Let me explain by way of example…
Wife: I really wish you would come home earlier from work.
She means: I feel lonely and neglected and I would love for us to spend more time together.
He hears: I don’t trust you / You’re disappointing me / She’s trying to control me!
The resulting feelings: Hurt, defensiveness, guilt, negativity
This is just one example of how a simple conversation can turn into an area of conflict – particularly if it involves a sensitive subject!
So how can couples ensure that what they say is interpreted in the way that they mean it?
The first step is to identify the common communication mistakes so that we can then try to fix them.
Here is Communication Mistake #1 -
Negativity and Escalation
The most common communication mistake couples often make involves negativity and escalation. This occurs when partners respond to one another negatively, with each response getting worse and worse until finally one person oversteps the boundaries and makes a hurtful statement.
How to change this: If you’re in a relationship you most likely know intimate details about one another. This includes information that could be hurtful should you use it in a condescending way. When you find yourself in an argument with your partner, recognize your feelings and notice when you feel yourself getting so heated you may bring up a sensitive topic. In other words, step back from the situation before making hurtful statements that could escalate a simple topic into an outright war.
Article author
About the Author
Rachel Moheban currently has a private practice in New York City and specializes in individual and couples therapy, and is the founder of The Relationship Suite. She has her Masters Degree in Social Work from New York University and was trained at the Ackerman Institute for the Family and at the Training Institute for Mental Health in marital and group counseling.
In addition to regular therapeutic practices, Moheban believes that couples benefit even more from using a variety of resources including the effective combination of psycho-education, relationship coaching and counseling, pro-active skills and adaptable techniques. These approaches combined are able to create the success formula needed to make fast and immediate changes in relationships. Using this formula, Moheban designed and created “The Ultimate Relationship Resolution Program.”
© 2010 The Relationship Suite. Rachel Moheban, LCSW After many years of providing private couples counseling, she discovered in addition to the already great results this method was providing, that couples benefited even more from using a variety of resources especially the effective combination of psycho-education, pro-active skills and adaptable techniques. These approaches COMBINED are able to create the success formula needed to make fast and immediate changes in relationships. This is why she designed and developed a couples program using the full ins and outs of this intricate formula; "The Ultimate Relationship Resolution Program." This article is for your general information only. You are welcome to share this tip with your community but please make sure to include the following author info:
© 2010 The Relationship Suite. Rachel Moheban, LCSW After many years of providing private couples counseling, I discovered in addition to the already great results this method was providing, that couples benefited even more from using a variety of resources especially the effective combination of psycho-education, pro-active skills and adaptable techniques. These approaches COMBINED are able to create the success formula needed to make fast and immediate changes in relationships. To learn more, and receive our FREE BiWeekly Relationship Tips and access to the Relationship Breakthrough Monthly Teleclass visit http://www.therelationshipsuite.com.
Further reading
Further Reading
Article
A Look at Avoidant Attachment Styles and How They Work
The early development of avoidant attachment creates a coping mechanism that forms in childhood. Disconnected parent-child interactions typically trigger this condition. People who develop this attachment style learn to depend on their resources. They avoid deep emotional connections. People with this attachment style want intimacy, yet they remain afraid of becoming dependent on others. Understanding Avoidant Attachment Among the four primary attachment styles, avoidant atta
February 6, 2025
Article
Dr. Venus Nicolino: You Have To Make Yourself Available To Find Good Relationships
The idea of making yourself more desirable by making yourself less available doesn't make a lot of sense when you think about it. After all, Juliet would have plunged a premature dagger into the heart of her romance with Romeo if she hid in her room rather than go out on her balcony. The end of Sleepless in Seattle shifts from "awww" to "aw, no" if one of the two main characters skips the trip to the Empire State Building. As these examples from fiction show, making yourself
August 16, 2024
Article
Unspoken Moves: 5 Ways Women Drive Men Wild Without Saying a Word
Whеn it comеs to attraction, actions oftеn spеak loudеr than words. Womеn havе a uniquе ability to captivatе and еnticе mеn without uttеring a singlе syllablе. Whеthеr it's a subtlе glancе or a playful touch, thеsе nonvеrbal cuеs can crеatе an undеniablе chеmistry that words alonе could nеvеr convеy. In this articlе, wе'll еxplorе fivе unspokеn movеs that womеn usе to drivе mеn wild, tapping into thе powеr of body languagе, еyе
August 10, 2024