Communication Problems In Marriage: How To Save Marriage With Better Communication

Many married couples reach a point, years after they've repeated their vows, where they realize things aren't as good as the could be. Maybe you are trying to save a marriage or know someone who is and you feel that reading articles on how to save marriage or other information found on the Internet will help you to accomplish this.

The truth is that you can read many, many articles or advice columns and still come up with the same information over and over. The main key to any successful marriage is communication, plain and simple. Many people have to realize that many dissolved relationships can be avoided all together if people would just stop and try to understand the mistakes that many people make when trying to communicate with their spouse.

Think of it this way, if you learn the proper ways to communicate then you can use these skills to skip over the problems or situations that you might have in your present relationship. Of course when you are talking to your spouse about something, especially if it is a touchy subject, you know you have to be very careful how you word what you are saying.

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Be certain that you are saying what you really mean and that you are being clear. The expression say what you mean comes into play here. If your spouse says "I don't feel good" then ask him or her to clarify. Do they not feel well physically or emotionally?

It has been said that how we deal with others and the world has to do with who we are, how we were raised, our values or what we believe in, what we need and even our education. Every person has to realize that we are all different, there is not one person who is the carbon copy of someone else.

Remember this little bit of information, to understand how other people perceive others and to become better at communicating with other people we all have to ask questions and learn to really, honestly listen. Wait to react until the other person has given you ALL of the information that you need to form how you will react. These things are critical when trying to save a marriage.

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Lack of intimacy in a marriage spells trouble. For instance, when you and your spouse first got together, intimacy played a very important role in your relationship. It was your way of showing each other just how much love you had for each other.

As you got to know each other better, the intimacy between the two of you grew as well. You became engaged, and then married, and you and your spouse were happy. You had a place you could call home, you had everything you needed, the intimacy between the two of you was very comfortable and enjoyable, and, above all, you had each other.

Life was great. There were times when, if you were at a function or a private party, that you would look at each other from across the crowded room, and give each other a knowing look - this was intimacy between you and your spouse. It was a private moment between you and your spouse, even in that crowded room.

However, over the years, the level of intimacy between you and your spouse has dwindled down to almost nothing. There are no more knowing looks between you and your spouse. In fact, every day is exactly the same as yesterday. Get up, go to work, come home, eat, watch TV and go to bed - to sleep.

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There are very seldom hugs and kisses between you and your spouse either. These were intimate moments between you and your spouse that you really miss now. Your married life has become really cold and without any form of physical contact at all, and you really miss it.

This is what married life is without intimacy. You and your spouse, instead of being the loving, caring couple you once were, are now like robots. Every day is exactly the same as the last one, with no excitement whatsoever.

Intimacy is not only about the romance in a marriage either. It is also a way to show each other that you still love each other as much as the day you started dating. It is a way to share happy or sad feelings - it is a way of communication without saying one word to each other.

If you have realized lately that the intimacy that was once great in your married life has now all but disappeared, then do something, anything, to get it back on track again, before your problems become even larger, and you and your spouse drift even further away from each other.

Are you tired of living in a relationship in which you feel neglected? Many married people find themselves feeling alone and rejected by their spouse. If you feel taken for granted, there's a way to change that now.

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"Is there any chance of stopping a divorce alone?" This is a question that is commonly asked when you unfortunately realize that your marriage is heading for a divorce - slow or fast doesn't matter. What you know is that if you don't do anything, your marriage is going to end sooner or later. I know the feeling - you feel that maybe you have to give in and just accept that you can't escape a divorce. But don't. Like me, you can save your marriage, even if you are alone in trying to do so. I will tell you about my own experience in this.

Something that I realized during the time I spent stopping a divorce alone; is that if you hold harder onto your spouse, he or she is going to pull away even more. This makes us understand the fact that in order to repair the relationship and make it the way it was before; both partners might need some space to breathe. It's our instinct to try to hold onto our loved ones as hard as we can when we feel they are moving away from as. However, this might be THE thing which kills the marriage entirely. So, the first step in stopping a divorce alone is to realize this fact and give your spouse some space.

Can you honestly say that you support your spouse (in whatever matters there are in his or her life) just like you did when you two were newly wed? I know that it can be the case that you might come to feel resentment, even despise towards your spouse because they don't seem to be much interested in repairing the marriage. The key here, is to support your spouse. Don't try to see the wrongs in your spouse. Allocate some time every day in trying to see only the good things about him or her. After all, you are trying to stop a divorce alone, which means that you still love your spouse. Why don't you try to see only the good in him or her? Focus on their traits that you most like. This will fix your attitude, and in turn, your spouse's attitude, and will make your marriage much more positive.

Couples can love one another and yet find themselves drifting apart and headed for a divorce. There are steps you can take, with or without the aid of your spouse to get your marriage back into the loving place it once was.

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Do you ever fear that you (or your partner) may be too dependent in your relationship? Having been encouraged by countless self-help authors to be independent in our pursuit of happiness, we believe we are supposed to do "it all" by ourselves. If, however, life's challenges have started to stack up, and you find yourself leaning more and more on your partner for support, does this mean you are co-dependent?

Actually, far from being a sign of dysfunction, a desire for support and connection is the sign of a mature, healthy relationship in which each partner has developed a secure sense of "attachment" to the other. Research has shown that, while we all need to care for ourselves, we also need to feel that we are not alone and that someone will stand by us when the going gets tough.

Researchers have noted that, in healthy attachment, adults feel safe when their partners are close by and are responsive to their needs; they feel insecure when the partner is inaccessible; and they engage in greater intimate bodily contact when they feel connected and understood by their partner.

10 Signs of Healthy Attachment in a Romantic Partner

Healthy Partners:

1. Are willing to be vulnerable with one another.

2. Keep their vulnerability alive by maintaining an awareness of the importance of the partnership.

3. Are attentive to one another.

4. See each other as allies, not enemies.

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5. Know how to soothe fears.

6. Make themselves available through the difficult bumps of life.

7. Are curious and inquisitive about their partner's troubles.

8. Maintain the ability to have discussions when the going gets rough instead of retreating to a place of supposed safety.

9. Are responsive to each other even when it feels uncomfortable.

10. Feel comfortable both with intimacy and with independence, seeking to balance the two.

Securely attached people report a great deal of satisfaction in their relationships. During difficult situations they seek support, comfort, and assistance from their partner and they reduce their anxiety by seeking physical and/or psychological closeness to their partner.

A secure partner responds positively to his or her partner's difficulty, reaffirming a sense of normality, which further helps to reduce anxiety. This expression of love puts into practice the key elements of a secure partnership: consistency, attunement to the other, and availability when needed.

The hallmarks of a healthy relationship can be attained by all couples when each partner is willing to learn about themselves and the other. With practice it is possible to develop the kind of relationship that allows for much happiness and fulfillment.

Now Listen Carefully-

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Author's Bio: 

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Divorce does not have to be your only option. Even if it feels as though your relationship can't be saved because of the ongoing conflicts between you and your spouse, it can be. There are techniques that you can begin using today that will not only stop a divorce, but will help also you build a stronger and more loving marriage.

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