Conflict: Key to a Healthy Relationship

Having a conflict in any relationship is as normal as breathing. It is a reality that every couple has to face every single day. Although the term has gained quite a negative connotation, having disagreements now and then is not actually bad. No matter what the cause, conflicts have positive and negative effects. It may create deeper understanding, closeness and respect. On the other hand, it may result to resentment, hostility and divorce. How a couple resolves the issue would usually determine whether a relationship will be healthy or unhealthy. Conflicts range from trivial differences to critical fights, and may be caused by a variety of reasons.

Every couple have their own approach of resolving conflicts. While some couples would confront and blame each other, some would rather avoid or deny the existence of a problem. For many, it is easier to give in; others may seem to compromise but are actually manipulative in trying to win more ground. Resolving a conflict starts with the right attitude. A healthy frame of mind is essential, although it is more often said than done. If one is too hurt or angry it is important to calm down before addressing the issue. It is quite hard to control one’s emotions and remain respectful and rational at the same time.

Both partners must face the fact that the problem must be solved by them. Each person has to make an effort and commit to work hard together in finding solutions that they both deem acceptable and fair. The couple’s best interests should always be considered, along with honesty and mutual respect. If one partner is only conce
ed about getting his or her own way, it will surely cause damage. Lack of respect, sensitivity, and consideration, as well as using power and fear just to win the argument can cause hurt and resentments that could fester and poison the relationship. However, giving in constantly and avoiding conflict just to keep your spouse happy is just as detrimental.

You are actually causing the other person’s insensitivity and selfishness at your expense. There are two sides to an argument: Yours’ and the other persons’. But, a problem is never without a solution. Identifying the main issue or the cause is the first step to solving a problem. At this stage, each partner must clearly express their wants and understand what the other wants at the same time. Avoid blaming one another; instead, listen actively to what the other person is saying. Couples have shared goals and interests that they could draw upon when looking for alte
ative solutions. Consider each suggested solution until it is narrowed down to one or two that seems fair for everyone.

When finally choosing the best solution, choose the one that is mutually acceptable to both of you. Keep in mind that a relationship without conflict is not a relationship. A healthy relationship is not measured on the number of fights a couple has. What’s important is how you resolve the problem while staying true to your partner and to yourself.