Conflict – Are You Using it Productively?

Conflict is a good motivator to address problems and to seek solutions for unresolved issues. It is a good warning sign that an area of your life, or your personality may need attention. However, if you sweep the warning signals under the carpet or ignore the motivation to confront and resolve issues, you can become susceptible to stress related symptoms such as head and neck tension, pain, allergies, digestive problems, heart disease and the list goes on. You can make poor decisions and mistakes, and you are at risk of destroying good relationships.

If a co worker, employee or a boss is constantly pushing your buttons and you hear yourself blaming and complaining about them, the real problem could be coming from another area of your life. It could be a person in your personal life you have ongoing or, unresolved issues with.

Your co-worker, boss or employee may demonstrate exactly the same attitude or behaviour as this person. They may have the same ability to manipulate you through criticism or unreasonable demands only to give themselves a ‘power fix’ and a sense of feeling ‘in control’.

If you feel you have no control in a personal or professional relationship, it affects the way you behave and react towards other people who press those exact same ‘control buttons’!

It affects the way you react when under pressure with family commitments, heavy workloads and deadlines, or when given work which is not yours to do or is unstimulating. It gradually eats away at your confidence and your desire to be creative and productive.

The key is to use conflict constructively.

• Acknowledge you have a problem. Delve deep, be honest with yourself and source the core of the problem. If you have a problem with a co worker ask yourself ‘Who do they remind me of in my personal life?’

• Awareness – Know what pushes your buttons and what triggers your reactions.

• When your buttons are being pushed – Stop. Don’t react. Don’t talk or do whatever your first instinct is telling you – Walk away and take slow, deep breaths – count to 10. Deal with the core problem, speak to a trained professional, read books on co-dependency, conflict resolution and relationships click here, so you know how to change the things which are not working. Be sure of your personal values and boundaries. Be clear on what are unacceptable behaviours and work demands. Be consistent in setting boundaries.

• Confront the person and explain how their behaviour makes you feel. Seek solutions and offer new options.

• Ask yourself- ‘Do these people mirror my own behaviour?’ If they are critical or demanding is this something you also do, maybe not to other people but to yourself?

Know that there are some things you cannot change. Only you can change your reaction and actions.