Conflict in Marriage- Fight Fair

Any marriage or relationship will sooner or later come into a period of conflict. The conflict is usually started with something that may be unimportant or even trivial, but if not handled well can escalate into a major problem. Hence the title of my article for today ‘conflict in marriage-fight fair’ which contains my thoughts on the ways I have found that will help prevent the conflict growing.

In my experience all marriages and relationships will have, at some point, conflicts so please do not think that you are alone with your problems. If you follow my few words of advice about what to say and how to say things the conflict need not grow, and that’s what I mean ‘fight fair’

When a conflict arises you must speak directly to each other about your feelings on whatever is causing conflict, your partner is not a mind reader. However long you have been together, do not be tempted to think that the other knows how you feel without making it clear.

Share your intensity of feelings on a particular issue, so if you feel very strongly on a point of conflict and by discussing it now, you can set markers for the future.

Do not make use of sarcasm when talking about the issue, nor use ‘put downs ‘the most obvious of which is ‘you always do….’.

Firstly sarcasm will enflame the situation because your partner will see that as a flippant remark showing your lack of feeling or understanding. Secondly, once said, the put down cannot ever be retracted, and in this case ‘you always do/say…..’ will not be true. By avoiding these you will minimize the scale of the conflict.

Deal with one conflict at a time, do not pile up your issues by saying something like ‘and another thing…..’, escalation of the conflict can be brought about so easily in this way. Sort out one problem first before going on to the next.

When one of you wants to talk about a problem in your relationship please talk about the problem, silence or giving the other the ‘cold shoulder’ tends to intensify the problem, leading to an even bigger conflict. Taking this as step further, remember the old saying ‘do not let the sun set on an argument’ sort it out now tomorrow is a new day.

Possibly the most important piece of advice that I can give you on conflict in marriage-fight fair -you should never fight to win, but always fight to keep your marriage.