My readers often ask me for advice about how to make friends and improve their conversation skills. They lack confidence in talking to other people and they get shy and nervous. Their mind goes blank when they try to make conversation. If you have the problem of feeling shy or nervous during a conversation, I have compiled some tips that can help you.

Watch what messages you are saying to yourself

What should you do if your mind goes blank during conversations? It’s very important to pay attention to the sorts of messages are going through your mind when you are talking with other people. If it turns out that you are sending negative messages to yourself, you need to change the messages to something that will be more positive.

Are you putting yourself down constantly when you can't think of anything to say in a conversation? Are you saying negative things about yourself?
You have to stop saying negative things to yourself about your conversation performance and about your personality.

You have to start saying positive things to yourself instead, even if at first you don't believe them.

You won’t be able to listen to the other person and participate in the conversation if a part of your mind is yelling at you and telling you what a failure you are socially.

Instead of saying to yourself that it's really terrible that your mind goes blank in a conversation, tell yourself that it's okay if you say something, and it's also okay if you don't say anything.

Instead of saying to yourself that it's really important that these people approve of you, tell yourself that it's nice if they do approve, and it's okay if they don't.

If you say something stupid, tell yourself, it's okay because everybody does that sometimes and it's not a big deal. Then, let go of the incident, and don’t replay it in your mind.

Don’t take your conversation performance too seriously

Another good way to reduce your nervousness with people is to make a game out of your conversations. Tell yourself, “I'm just practicing, so whatever I do today doesn't really count. It's just an experiment that I'm doing.”

By telling yourself that it’s just practice, you allow yourself permission to make mistakes and be less than perfect. This technique can help lessen your anxiety.

Take up meditation

You may find this next advice unusual, but it may actually be helpful to you if you take up some sort of meditation practice. Meditation can help you to stay calmer, and it can also give you a better sense of who you really are.

This can give you more confidence during conversations.

Take up an interesting hobby

You can improve your social success if you develop some of your own special interests. If you have the time, the money or the interest, make an effort to take up some hobby, join a club, or do volunteer work.

Why is it helpful to develop your hobbies and special interests? The reason why
this can be helpful is because you will have a chance to meet people that have similar interests to you.

You will have more in common with people who actually share your interests, especially if you are actually working on some project together. This can increase your self confidence. Having acceptance from a particular group of people can offset the problem of other people who don't accept you.

Having hobbies and other interests will also give you more to talk about with other people so that you seem more interesting to them. When you are involved with projects and hobbies you are excited about, there is less of a chance that your mind will go blank.

These tips have helped many people to overcome shyness and improve their conversation confidence. I hope some of these ideas will be helpful to you.

Author's Bio: 

This article is by conversation expert Royane Real. Learn more ways to improve your conversation performance in my popular report "Your Guide to Making Friendly Conversation" Download it today at