Curb the Arguments That Happen Only in Your Head

When I say ‘head argument’ I’m sure you know what I'm talking about. It’s when you are pondering a certain issue/relationship/conflict/situation and you start arguing it out with the person concerned in your head. Some people can really annoy us, so we keep pondering these outrageous things to ensure we stay one step ahead of them. You may find yourself going off on many tangents, exploring all possibilities so you are ready for any real arguments that arise.

I've started being able to identify a head argument early. Anytime I find myself drifting into one I notice it, label it 'head argument' and instantly I realise I’m doing negative, ridiculous thinking. It is a waste of time, energy and puts your body in a state of stress and adrenaline (and anger) which over time actually physically harms us. Since your mind doesn’t know the difference between real and imagined things, your blood pressure will rise, your heart will race and you will get really mad. These arguments are nothing more than a way of ‘visualising’ tension that you don’t actually want – which means spend enough time visualising it and it will happen exactly as you don’t want it to.

You may wonder if you benefit by ‘preparing’ for potential tension – giving you a ‘stronger case’ since you’ve thought it through already. But I think it’s a pretty fine line between ‘preparation’ and craziness. Often we may be considering the situation and just processing our thoughts about it, when suddenly a dreaded head argument starts. In fact it could happen a million times in the ten minutes we are pondering it. If you keep stopping yourself then focus on the real issues you should gain the clarity you are after.

There is no point pre-pondering what someone may or may not say. It doesn’t help us at all, and just attracts negativity. I bet it makes our relationships more troubled, than if we didn’t have such thoughts so regularly in our minds.

The biggest problem I see with head arguments is that we well underestimate how many we actually carry out. We may think we have one or two a day, but I'd guess is probably more like 40... actually how do we not know its not more like 200? Think of the mental space we'll have when we stop them happening!

How do you feel about head arguments? Do you think they are useful because they prepare you for conflicts? Do you think they are a waste of time and energy? Do you want to quit ‘arguing your case’ in such head arguments because you now think they are silly? Please share your experiences.