Dancing with Insecurity.

Dearest Darling Readers, Imagine yourself in front of a person who makes you feel insecure? How do you feel? Do you feel a freeze? Do you feel threatened? Do you feel like a loser? Do you feel like escaping? Do you feel like screaming and no voice comes out? Do you stay quiet and hate yourself for doing so? Now, I ask you a crucial question. To change how you feel, can you do something right then, ‘within’? If you can’t, lets delve a little deeper into insecurity. Insecurity makes me uninteresting. Insecurity makes me possessive. Insecurity makes me panicky with imaginative negatives. Insecurity makes me unfriendly. Insecurity makes me jealous…..and much more. Besides all of that, insecurity destroys my ability to connect. People give us opportunities not only because we are talented or hard working or meritorious. People give us opportunities because they feel ‘connected’ to us. Sometimes insecurities makes me do things going out of my way, thinking, it will please someone I want to appease. Sadly, I end up getting ridiculed or taken for granted. That makes me even more insecure. Sometimes, I go on a crash diet wanting a glance of appreciation from someone. Sadly, I end up as the butt of jokes. Sometimes, I pass up opportunities wanting to prove my genuineness. Sadly, I get taken as an idiot. Every time, my sense of inadequacy ‘remains’. Ironically, my insecurity seems to have a life strength of its own that refuses to weaken. Why is it so difficult to shake off this insecurity? Clear your head and read on!!! Everyone wants to feel like a hero. When we see inside, we feel weak, we feel inadequate, we feel low willpower, we feel we are not strong enough. In other words, we feel secretly ashamed of being ‘me’. There is no hiding here. There is no cheating here. There is no pretending here. There is only truth. Immediately, we look outside for own sense of worth. Remember, we want to feel like a hero, we want to feel desirable. This becomes our need for validation / approval / appreciation / acknowledgment. Example…Have you noticed the madness to be around celebrities? To touch them, to be photographed with them, to collect their autographs, to throw their names in our ‘friends list’, etc is our way of increasing our self worth. Another example…the advertising industry has exploited our need for acceptance by spending billions of dollars paying celebrities ‘preying’ on our naivety. Sadly, this creates a belief that self worth can be purchased / acquired just like a car / music system / phone / fair skin / bigger home / designer brands / holidays abroad to exotic destinations etc. The trouble is —- “No approval from the world can make us feel WORTHY”. No validations can ever eliminate self doubts. On the contrary, it makes us more fragile / arrogant / snobbish / anxious. At the same time, when we crave for approval, we give the control over our lives to ‘others’. They are appointed as valuers who determine your value. A cobbler is asked to value a diamond. A fish is judged based on its ability to climb a tree. So sad!!! How to overcome this? How to escape from this trap? How to ‘be’ secure? Please bear with us. The answers follow in the next ‘Life School Message’. Sorry for the wait. On a lighter side, I have become influenced by our TV serials. Honestly speaking, this article was becoming a tad too long. Besides, I want you to think about this article, reflect it with you life and contemplate on the answers…. See you next week.. With loads of love, prayers and best wishes, 'Narendra Goidani' As I Live, I learn. www.lifeschool.co.in