Dating Advice: Why Do Men Lie?

I asked a few men why they lie. There were varied answers. The surprising thing was that none of the men I asked denied that they lied. There were some typical answers. A common one was, 'If we tell the truth you won't believe us.'

Steve had the most interesting repsonse that summaried the common themes. He said, Starting in highschool guys come up to girls and talk to them and are laughed at. This continues for years, without any explanation as to why. Girls never explain what they want or what is acceptable and what is not. So the guys go to the nearest alpha male – and copy what he does because he gets all the girls even though he is a jerk.

They only see him getting the girls – not what kind of girls he gets. They use these techniques on the nice girls, and it doesn’t work. So many revert to lying as a defence mechanism – but on the surface they see it as a way to get what they want.

No matter how tough the guy is, they are afraid of being rejected. Even if the relationship doesn’t go anywhere the male has been accepted, even if only for a brief time.

What you can’t do is reject him and tell him how to alter what he did. He will see this as judgemental, and as a rejection, not as a path to a better relationship.

Telling men what you want is a good thing. This way they know how to act to avoid rejection. It doesn’t mean that it will work right away. But it is a goal to work for and sets solid boundaries.

You also need to tell guys how you feel. What you like. What they do that you like and appreciate. Women bottle it up and then ‘break up’. The man is left rejected, but also looking at all the things he did to please you and it wasn’t worth the effort.

Men also hate double standards. They find them confusing and frustrating. They see a double standard as much of a ‘control issue’ as a woman may consider lying, or other issues.

The simple fact is that the ‘dating game’ teaches men that if they want to win, they must not let women see who they really are. This leads to frustration and mistrust. So, in short ladies, men lie because our gender taught them to lie!

How to fix this? Be honest. Be real. Don’t play mind games. And, if you want a man to act like a man then don’t reject him for not acting like a woman.