Dating Is A Game

Let us start with a short lesson from history to discover a motivation for the game. First of all, people saw that they might have a successful relationship. It does not matter, what kind of relationship it was – e.g. Miss Right and Gentleman, lovers and adultery, or marriage for money. It is important to realize that there was publicly available statistics, so they could assess a success probability. Although, they would not use exactly these words to describe their choices:-)

For a long time, the statistics were the only source, until Theory of Games came on the scene. It has been shown that it is possible to compute a strategy to achieve a particular goal. A strategy we can consider as optimal under given circumstances.

Later, John Nash proved an existence of equilibrium for
-person games. Using the Nash equilibrium, we can describe a lasting relationship that both partners desire to keep. All we miss at this point is a set of game rules to achieve and keep the desired equilibrium.

Game

Let us consider the dating as a game - precisely, as a game for one man and one woman. Since I’m a man and therefore I talk from the man perspective, let us play the man. Our goal is to find a win strategy to gain and keep the woman. There are four distinct victory and defeat conditions:

Victoryn * Primary: A lasting relationshipn * Secondary: A proof that the woman is not the one we seek

Defeatn * Rejection without achieving the relationshipn * Rejection while achieving the relationship

Obviously, the last three conditions end the game, while the first condition equals to an infinitely-long (non-terminating) game, thus allowing two more conditions.

Using the Model

Easily said, you start with an optimistic assumption she’s the one you are looking for. Anticipating this fact, you tailor your actions towards her in such manner, which should result into growing of her interest level, if she fits the model. If she does not, then you will encounter either an infidelity with the model, or low interest level. This way you achieve one of victory conditions – you either get long-term relationship, or you know it is better to try another one.

For instance, if you act with self-confidence, it raises her high interest level, if there’s one. Applying this information, you should know to always kiss her without asking on the end of your first date. When you don’t introduce yourself, but you rather wait until she asks on her own, you are evaluating her fitness to the model – if she is the one you want. Miss Right with high interest level will ask.

Common Mistakes

I have never used such model, I don’t believe this is possible, etc. is the cry of guys who don’t like the precisely defined steps showing their errors (BTW: they love to repeat). Like that or not, any behavior can be described with a model, which does not necessarily needs to be formed with math equations. As you behave somehow, you behave accordingly to some model. It is a fact that is not violated by an inability to describe, understand or design the model, or by the model’s fidelity.

Model’s fidelity with reality is a big issue. If the model is either based on a set of assumptions, which do not hold when confronted with reality, it is an apparent mistake. Typical examples are wishful thinking and incomplete information:nn* I asked her out twice, she refused twice without a concrete counteroffer. I’ll give it one more shot.
If she would have high interest level, she would respond with a concrete counteroffer.nn* I’ll bring her flowers on the first date to please her and present myself as a gentleman.
There are three types of woman: require flowers on the first date, hate flowers on the first date and does not require flowers on the first date. Part of the success is to know whom you want.

Modeling Miss Right

Miss Right presents a particular type of woman that is well-defined with her attitude characteristics. Additionally, her behavior towards a particular man is determined by her interest level in possibly several men. She presents a subset of all women. Thus, we can construct a relatively simple model and design a relatively small set of rules. While they are still effective, they fit the reality on given range and lead us to a realizable goal. Therefore, a violation of the model indicates that we either do not deal with Miss Right, and/or that she has low interest level.* In such case, we could achieve the secondary victory condition and we are free to proceed with another woman to try to achieve the primary victory condition.nn*Yes, formally, it can indicate an error in the model too. However, field results continuously prove the model to fit the reality over past years.

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