"Dating can be frustrating." from my book

Pillars of Awesome Relationships

If you are married, you think about how fun dating would be again. If you are dating you wonder why it is so hard to find someone to be with. Would it surprise you that the same problems hold back marriages and Dating relationships alike?

Here are some important elements to Dating successfully.

We all make decisions a thousand times a day that enable us to get emotionally closer to, move further away from, or maintain the status quo with others. In the book, Pillars of Awesome Relationships, you’ll learn the emotional and communications skills necessary to create closer, more intimate relationships while maintaining healthy boundaries. You’ll also learn why people—and this could mean you—would choose to live and relate in ways that don’t work.

It is vital to learn the tools to getting greater clarity about who you really are and how to share who you truly are in relationships. And finally, you need to be mindful of not falling into the most common pitfalls of romantic relationships. When you avoid the pitfalls, you are giving yourself an even greater chance to make your relationships flourish.

Dating can be fun! And it needs to be fun! But first it has to be safe, physically and emotionally!

The first thing is to learn to say "yes" and learn to say "no." If fact, saying no needs to come first. Now you probably think I am talking about sex, I am not! I am talking about saying NO to what is no good for you; people that are no good for you; situations that are no good for you. If you don't say NO to what is not good for you then you never create the emotional and physical safety to be able to say YES to what you like and what you want.

You have the right to keep anyone away from you that you do not want near you. It is not mean to set boundaries or demand more from the people that you let into your circle -- it is a good thing!

When you are with someone that feels good to you, say YES! Again, not necessarily to sex (unless you want to). Say YES to your experience in the moment. Let yourself enjoy everything that feels good while you are dating, and then let yourself enjoy it a little bit more!

Be present! Be who you truly are when Dating!

If you are not being who you genuinely are when dating, you are not being your authentic self. Being something you are not will only work for a little while while dating, if it works at all. If the dating doesn't go well with you being yourself, then the relationship will ultimately fail, because none of us can hide who we truly are while dating or in a long term relationships. So, we may as well be who we truly are when we begin dating and go ahead and set your goal to ENJOY being who you are, even if you think you are awkward or uncool. Just be the biggest uncool person you can be and make no apologies for it while dating someone, they will thank you for it! It will be the most refreshing dating experience they have had in a while.

Appreciate who you are dating!

Look at that person you are dating in that moment and see them for who they are physically; see them for who they are emotionally. If you have spiritual eyes (which we all do), see them for who they are spiritually. Just because you are dating doesn't mean it is too soon to see them. And, it is not too soon to be seen for who you really are.

Chemistry in Dating

We always think of chemistry as sex, I mean pay attention to what drew you two together in the first place. Pay attention to the attraction, it may be sexual chemistry you are feeling, it may be friendship chemistry you are feeling, it may be romantic chemistry you are feeling. We can feel all of these while Dating. The chemistry may be intense, very intense, so feel it for what it is. It may only be sexual chemistry, and that is OK. Enjoy the flirting that goes on. Sometimes we have sexual chemistry with someone with whom we have no business dating, that is just one of those quirky things that makes us human.

Remember this about Dating

You were born to have an amazing life and you were given a heart that longs to love greatly, Dating is the first step. Love is easy, and it flows quickly and abundantly unless you do something to block its flow. Chances are you weren't taught the mindset or the emotional and communication skills necessary to keep the channel of love wide open and flowing in your relationships, so things may seem hard after you have been dating a while. But when you read this book, Pillars of Awesome Relationships, you will be well on your way to mastering these skills.

When you are able to acknowledge your hurts and respond genuinely when you get triggered when dating; when you can make space for your dating partner when they get triggered without getting triggered yourself; when you can listen not only to the words your dating partner shares, but to what is underneath his or her words; when you can embrace the greatest version of yourself as well as of others; and when you can remember that emotional intimacy is your first priority in your relationships; then you are setting yourself firmly on the path of not only having awesome relationships, but also living a life rich with enlightened authenticity. Bless you and enjoy your dating.

Order a copy of the book now and get a free telephone session with me!

Author's Bio: 

Marcus Ambrester, MA, received his master’s degree in Transpersonal Counseling Psychology from Naropa University in Boulder, CO, and has been a practicing therapist since 1998. Pillars of Awesome Relationships is available on Amazon and from www.PillarsofAwesomeRelationships.com. He is in Private Practice in Nashville, TN and can be reached through his website, www.marcusambrester.com.