Dating the Wrong People
Written by Mary Mast, M.Ed Counseling
Do you find yourself picking the wrong person in the dating world only to suddenly find out that after 1 month, 3 months, 6 months, one year or three years, you're simply just not compatible? Or that this person is not the person you would like to continue your relationship with? If this is a skipping record for you, where this kind of scenario keeps repeating over and over, there is hope for you. However, the hope for you lies in changing your thoughts, beliefs, behavioral and action patterns concerning your dating life.
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Let's start out with your first experience in meeting that special someone. It all starts right here at the foundation, from this point on. Keep your eyes and your ears wide open to look and listen for who this person really is. Who this person is can be determined by their thoughts, beliefs, and behavior while getting to know you. A lot can be gleaned about a person based on these factors alone. The whole point of really scrutinizing a person from the beginning can save you a whole lot of trouble and heartache down the road.
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For example, take the simple fact that this hot looking guy with a great personality admits to you initially, that he hates dogs, period . Let's say that you are a huge dog love
and happen to have 2 dogs that are integral part of your life. Well, you can proceed ahead with getting to know him further, however somewhere down the line, those dogs of yours; will create a problem in your relationship. Why not, put the kibosh on continuing to date this guy who hates dogs? The reason here, is that you will never succeed in making this guy love or like dogs, and that will become the defining point. And that defining point can take 1 month, 3 months, 6 months or longer. Do you really want to spend time dating Mr. Wrong, when you could be free to date Mr. Right? And, if you think you're going to meet Mr. Right while you're dating Mr. Wrong, you might want to think again!
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Or on a larger scale, the person you just met currently has a girlfriend and he's dating you on the side, with the promise that he'll end it with his girlfriend and just be with you. STOP! Say to yourself, do you really want to be with someone who is lying to their girlfriend while trying to start something up with you? What that means, is that this person doesn't value honesty period, and won't ever espouse honesty with you. Remember that this is the foundation that he is building with you and that possibly this situation could spiral out on you when he decides that he's not happy with you, while starting something else with someone else. This is very important that you pay attention to this individual's thoughts, beliefs and action here, because he/she will apply this same thought process, same belief process and same action to you, further down the line.
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When you really start watching and listening to the new person you've just met, all the information is all there from the very beginning. Another point is the fact that if you feel strongly about being involved with your family and the person you just met, doesn't really have a good connection with their family, doesn't really care about making their family part of their life, this is incongruent with your belief system. It's too easy to overlook a person's shortcomings in the beginning; however those shortcomings often become very problematic, further down the road.
What are your solutions to being with the person who is right for you?
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1.Pay attention in the beginning to their beliefs, actions, behavior and thoughts.
2. Surround yourself with like minded people in terms of your beliefs, and thoughts. For example, Join a proactive group to save the environment if that's what you believe in.
3. Remove your blinders, your sexual blinders! Don't let sex obscure your values in life.
4. Observe that person in moments of conflict. You'll be able to see how that person responds and treats others in situations of conflict which will be a good indicator of how they will treat you when you have a conflict w/them.
5. Listen to your friends and family about what their opinion is regarding your potential boyfriend/girlfriend. However, take this w/a grain of salt, a big grain of salt!!
Article author
About the Author
Mary Mast, as a therapist with a M.Ed in Counseling is a driven, intelligent, and vibrant human being. She is eager to help you with your problems. She draws from a wealth of experience of over 20 years to help guide you to the next level of thinking, being, and doing.
In an effort to reach more people and offer convenience as well as other mediums of counseling, Mary set out to establish eportlandcounselor.com, which can be considered one of the first green counseling centers as well as one of the first online counseling centers. This service provides individuals with positive counseling through convenient online sessions. Users can engage in chat sessions, email, or phone calls.Mary looks forward to providing people with her unique perspective based on a lifetime of overcoming adversity and challenges.
Born deaf in one ear, Mary Mast is no stranger to overcoming obstacles. From empowering herself to ask for better educational opportunities for herself as a child, to running on the track team, to learning to sail, to beating the cutthroat pharmaceutical business, she has taken life’s challenges and turned them into positive experiences to use in future endeavors.
Her education includes an MED in counseling and her career history includes service in the health and welfare field, work in the state and government field, and ten-plus years as a successful representative in the pharmaceutical business. Mary has held significant jobs upon which she draws her experience and expertise in working with people.
In 2007 she walked away from her successful position to pursue her dreams of becoming who she really wanted to be. She took a year off to travel through Amsterdam, London, Panama and Mexico to get to know people, visit museums, and eat local flavors of far way places.
“My focus is on concerns that present throughout one’s life of reaching his/her true potential as a human being. I see myself as a humanistic counselor who enjoys facilitating the process and assisting clients in achieving their goals in life. Yet, at the same time, I can help you get unstuck in life and overcome any obstacles you may be struggling with. In order to reach your fullest potential in life, you need someone to give you unbiased and caring support that validates you as person in an honest fashion.” -Mary Mast
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