Dealing with the Past Can Only Happen NOW

I had just taken a book I was packing for a trip OUT of my suitcase, feeling that I needed a break from anything "heavy" and needed to just have some pure R&R. The book is called "Unattended Sorrow." I came back to my desk, intending to post on Intent about the subject of sleep, something I am in great need of now. An email awaited me from my daughter. She lives in another city. There are no coincidences. She wrote, "I'm sure this is a bit heavy to casually toss out at midnight the night before you leave, but I've been thinking about Josh. And I still don't think we've shared and healed enough together as a family, meaning that we have never allowed each person to share their grief and loss and pain with the other three as witness." The irony of her unexpected writing about our family's grief for the death of her brother, my son, Josh was poignant considering the book I had just placed at my desk. Josh was struck by a car and killed at age 15 six years ago. His birthday is around the corner, a time that heightens the sense of loss.

And, of course, I called her. Weepy and fatigued, she was feeling sad. I told her I read her email. And then it hit me and I said, "Honey, don't ATTACH to the past what you need or feel NOW. It has nothing to do with what you did or didn't do in the past. It ONLY has to do with and to be dealth with NOW. You can't GO to the past to deal with what you are feeling or face NOW." And so, together we will continue our family journey of profound loss. And each of us will continue our individual jou
eys, my husband, my daughters and myself.

With this fresh revelation, I am more cognizant that it will only be in the now that this can occur. Be it grief or any other emotion, the only time to deal with it is in the moment it comes. And each moment that passes will deliver a new NOW.

And then I said, "You are exhausted and I am exhausted. We will talk more tomorrow. There is much to talk about honey. For NOW there is only one thing to do, and that is SLEEP. I love you." Which leads to my next post....about sleep....soon to come, as well as more about LIVING amidst profound loss. And just one more thing, I put "Unattended Sorrow" back in my bag. The message was clear...now.