Dear Dr. Romance:
I am having trouble in my relationship. My biggest problems are fibbing and patience. Fibbing is what my fiancee calls it, I call it extending the truth a little further than it really is. But, Patience is the thing I've really having trouble with and that I need your help with. I was searching the world wide web for tips on Patience and I came upon your article on Seven Tips For learning patience. I am trying to follow as your article says, but  I am having a little trouble with it. I used to have patience, but the past few months back around July, it seems that my patience has ran out and I don't want to lose my fiancee and son over it. She's wanting me to get my patience under control before I move in with her and our son, and if I am not able to do that, then I'm afraid that she's going to leave me. She and I want to be together as a family, but I need to solve my patience problem first before she will let me move in and I want to keep it solved. 

Dear Reader:
You say your patience ran out in July.  That tells me that something happened that upset or frightened you.  If you resolve that, your patience will return.  It's also possible that July is when the relationship got serious, and your lack of patience is because you're worried about sharing life with your fiance.   Patience is an important trait for marriage, because sharing life with another person is not easy.  Perhaps you're impatient with your son, which would show anxiety about your role as a parent.  Think back to July, and what might be bothering you.  When you figure it out, you need to develop some solutions to the problem.  Once you've done that, talk to your fiancee about what is upsetting you, but do it in a calm way, and don't blame her or her son. Follow the  "Guidelines for Asking for What You Want"   Use the formula "When---- happens, I feel -----" to talk about how you feel.  Ask for her help and advice.  Listen to what she says, without interrupting or objecting.  This process may resolve the issue, and bring back your patience.  If it doesn't, then it would be a good idea for the two of you to get counseling. "Guidelines for Finding and Using Therapy Wisely"  will help you find a good therapist. How to Be Happy Partners: Working it Out Together has exercises you and your fiancee can use, together or singly, to solve most of the problems in your relationship. 

Happy Partners

For low-cost counseling, email me at tina@tinatessina.com

Author's Bio: 

Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D. is a licensed psychotherapist in S. California since 1978 with over 30 years experience in counseling individuals and couples and author of 13 books in 17 languages, including It Ends With You: Grow Up and Out of Dysfunction; The Unofficial Guide to Dating Again; Money, Sex and Kids: Stop Fighting About the Three Things That Can Ruin Your Marriage, The Commuter Marriage, and her newest, Love Styles: How to Celebrate Your Differences. She writes the “Dr. Romance” blog, and the “Happiness Tips from Tina” email newsletter.