Dear Dr. Romance:

I'm in need of some serious advice, and I hope you can help.  I've been in an extremely long distance relationship with someone for the past year and a half off and on. I live in the US, he lives in Central America.  I am 6 years older than he is.  I'm studying to be a nurse and he unfortunately doesn't have the funds to do anything.  When we started dating I can admit that I was a bit guarded because I didn't want to get my feelings hurt and often put him down. I'm not sure if that caused him to change, but we broke it off. However, he would still email me and call me once in a blue moon to see how I was doing. Then we recently got back together and he kept mentioning to me how he wanted a motorcycle. I told him he doesn't need a motorcycle he needs an education and can use the money he has (which wasn't enough for this motorcycle) and go to school. He became stubborn and I didn't speak to him for a day. I had called him drunk before that discussion and said really hurtful things and he still forgave me. However after the discussion with the motorcycle, he broke it off saying he couldn't do this anymore with him being over there and me being over here. When we first started dating he said distance doesn't matter because our hearts are always close. However, that wasn't the case anymore.  I agreed to remain"friends" with him and he still texts me and at first I thought I can handle it, but i can't.  He recently texted me saying "Hello old friend, I hope everything is well with you and I hope in this Valentine's day you are with your ideal person, much luck, i love you very much friend". Do I tell him i can't be his friend or let silence speak for itself? 

Dear Reader:

This relationship obviously does not work for you.  You don't seem to be behaving very well, and your friend is too far away and in an impossible situation.  There is also the possibility that he sees you as a ticket to come to the US.  The conversation about the motorcycle may have been a way to get you to give him money.  

Whatever is going on, it is not going to work, so let go.  If you're drunk dialing and saying hurtful things, that tells me you need to get your own life in order before you can have a workable relationship with anyone. You may be fixated on that relationship to avoid dealing with your real life.  "Your Primary Relationship." will explain why no relationship will work until you get sorted out with yourself.   "Dating: The Fine Art of Squirrel Hunting" and "Where is Love"  will help you look for someone who is actually suited to you.  All of them will help you understand what you need to do to find love that will actually work.  Don't bother writing him back -- just put your energy into creating a better life for yourself.  When you're ready, Dr. Romance's Guide to Finding Love Today will give you a step by step guide for making dating fun, safe and successful.


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Author's Bio: 

Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D. is a licensed psychotherapist in S. California since 1978 with over 30 years experience in counseling individuals and couples and author of 13 books in 17 languages, including It Ends With You: Grow Up and Out of Dysfunction; The Unofficial Guide to Dating Again; Money, Sex and Kids: Stop Fighting About the Three Things That Can Ruin Your Marriage, The Commuter Marriage, and her newest, Love Styles: How to Celebrate Your Differences. She writes the “Dr. Romance” blog, and the “Happiness Tips from Tina” email newsletter.