Dear Dr. Romance:

EVERYONE, yes EVERYONE has been TRYING and FAILING at having me reunite with one of my exes…or Something like that. My asinine brother took out pictures of my ex-husband of 9 years and started guilt-tripping me. The funny thing is this: I remained on good terms with ALL of my exes for reasons. I have NO Interest in running into anyone who I shared even a short period of my life with and having drama. It serves no good. Hence…the good term theory.

I WILL say that upon certain visits, they have all made advances (some which may have been allowed…others that I turned the other cheek at).

I can honestly say that this policy has served me for all of these years, yet when I was laid-off from my career position last year, it has been a never-ending cycle of nosey people getting overly-involved in my romantic life. I am MORE in love with my work and the joy it brings than that of any ex-men…Lol. Sorry, but it’s true. Most would be able to tell you that when I am in a romantic relationship, I can be VERY good to my man. However, with a situation such as this, I don’t see being much of anything to him (whoever he will eventually be). I vow to NOT be in a romantic relationship until I have MY life and MY happiness back. That’s a promise that I have made to myself (and I REFUSE to break it). Seems fair, right?

Dear Reader:

You must be surrounded with people who love you and worry about you. Yes, they may be heavy-handed about trying to get you re-connected with your exes, and I know it's annoying, but keep in mind that they're trying to help. The best thing to do is to tell them what kind of help you want. Say, "Thanks for caring about me; but if you really want to help, what I need is a job, not a man; and definitely not someone who didn't work out the first time."  

I applaud your focus on getting on a solid footing before opening up your romantic life again. More power to you. You need to feel solid in your life in order to find the right relationship. "Your Primary Relationship" and "Your Job on Earth" will help you in your quest to set your life right.   When you're ready to form a new relationship, you'll know it, and if I can help, let me know.

The Ten Smartest Decisions a Woman Can Make After Forty is the perfect guide for your current quest.

The Ten Smartest Decisions a Woman Can Make After Forty k

For low-cost phone counseling, email me at

Author's Bio: 

Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D. is a licensed psychotherapist in S. California since 1978 with over 30 years experience in counseling individuals and couples and author of 13 books in 17 languages, including It Ends With You: Grow Up and Out of Dysfunction; The Unofficial Guide to Dating Again; Money, Sex and Kids: Stop Fighting About the Three Things That Can Ruin Your Marriage, The Commuter Marriage, and her newest, Love Styles: How to Celebrate Your Differences. She writes the “Dr. Romance” blog, and the “Happiness Tips from Tina” email newsletter.