Dear Dr. Romance:
I found your site on an internet search.  I am in an abusive relationship and am financially dependent on him.  I have made him leave several times, only to take him back because of monies.  He is an ex cop.  I have phoned the authorities many times, they come here and they have taken his side 99% of the time.  The only time they didn't was when my young daughter called 911, they arrived, and saw that I had been injured.  My husband made a scratch on his chest so he could tell them I committed that.  I did not.  All in all, they said, "we have to take one of you in, we'll discuss this."  When they came back in, one officer who was empathetic to me for the first time asked me to sit down.  I did just that and could not do it.  He then called an ambulance.  That is when they hauled him away.  He was not arrested for violence, I am not sure exactly what happened to him.  All I know is his family bailed him out of a holding cell.  I ended up with a major concussion, fractured tailbone...I'll stop here on that story...I have since been separated from him several times.  The one time it lasted 8 months was when I received an insurance settlement.  I did not receive a ton of money but it was enough to get by for a while on my own.  I have not been able to work since then because of my injuries, until one week ago.  I took a seasonal job for minimum wage just to have a little money for myself.  This is against the advice of my Disability attorney.  I keep getting denied, yet, disability doesn't pay much and I have shared custody of my two teenagers from a previous marriage.  I had an attorney for my divorce from him, yet,when it came to the final day in court, the judge denied the divorce!  She stated she would not allow this that we need counseling.  By that time,my emotions were so out of control, I was almost relieved.  My children were in dread.  My daughter is still there.  I read you article on Sociopaths - Narcissists, and I have thought for a long time he is that exactly.  I have stayed at the local  shelter several times only to leave because it was incredibly depressing, I had nobody except for him to take care of my dog, and other responsibilities.  I have been through the gamut with the shelter and they know me all too well.  I am embarrassed I had to reach out to them again just a few weeks ago.  Again, I let him back because of money.  

I do not know how to get out of this!  He is suppose to start truck driving IF he passes the physical test for the company - he's obese, a couch potato, fired from his last job after he was let go, forced to leave his 30 year cop job.  Of course, he blamed each departure on me - he claims he had to take care of me through all of the surgeries, seizures, etc from my accident...bull.  He is a gambling addict and has blown so much money I do not even know the total.  Damage done in too many ways.  He might have this job.  This means he would be gone three weeks, here 3 days and gone again.  This is a huge relief for my children and I,however, I want a total free life from him. I feel stuck.  Very stuck because of money.  Can you point me in any direction?  

Dear Reader:
You're playing a very dangerous game. He's already put you in the hospital, and the next stop could be the morgue. Then what would your children do?   You need to get out of your home, take your children, and go to a domestic violence shelter.  I understand that money is a problem, but the law will help you get child support from your husband once you're divorced, and you can't sell your children's future for money.  The shelter will keep you safe and help you get on your feet and learn to be independent. To find a shelter near you, call the domestic violence hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)   Please also read "FamilyViolence Q & A"  which will show you how to protect yourself and your children. It Ends With You: Grow Up and Out of Dysfunction will help you learn to take care of yourself, your money and your family.

It Ends With You 2

For low-cost counseling, email me at tina@tinatessina.com

 

 

Author's Bio: 

Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D. is a licensed psychotherapist in S. California since 1978 with over 30 years experience in counseling individuals and couples and author of 13 books in 17 languages, including It Ends With You: Grow Up and Out of Dysfunction; The Unofficial Guide to Dating Again; Money, Sex and Kids: Stop Fighting About the Three Things That Can Ruin Your Marriage, The Commuter Marriage, and her newest, Love Styles: How to Celebrate Your Differences. She writes the “Dr. Romance” blog, and the “Happiness Tips from Tina” email newsletter.