Dear Dr. Romance:

I read some of the things you stated about marriage. Why people divorce. I am feeling overwhelmed lately. To the point I just want out. I have been married for over 17 years. We have 2 school-age children together. I am in school full time and work full time and still have a household to run. Can you please help me find a counselor? You are a blessing to all who reads and speak with you. Keep doing your daily work. God Bless.

Dear Reader:

 I'm sorry you're having a tough time, and I understand how overwhelmed you must be. I don't know anyone in your area, but "Guidelines for Finding and Using Therapy Wisely" will help you find a good therapist.  Therapy is a great idea for you at this time.  In the meantime, "Couples Can Cooperate for Success" and "Asking for What you Want" will help you calm down and understand what you need to do.

I'm sure your husband loves you, but doesn't know what you want, and is probably lost in his own little world. You can learn the skills to bring him out and get him to do his share for his family.

Many men believe if they earn the money, that's enough. They have to be taught to take responsibility for child care, household maintenance, and their marriage. Women often just do everything, and complain, which falls on deaf ears. Men need to be asked directly "Will you please vacuum, do the dishes, etc." And they often need to be taught how, if their mothers didn't teach them. (I hope you teach your sons what their responsibilities are, so they'll be equipped when they grow up.)

This feels like a lot of effort on your part, when you're already overwhelmed, but it will lead to you having to do less, and feeling more like you and your husband are a team. Breaking up will be a tragedy for your kids, and you may never find another partner better than your husband. Better to train him to be the partner you want. Begin today by asking him directly without emotion, for what you want instead of suffering, complaining, nagging or whining.

How To Be a Couple and Still Be Free 4th Edition will help you understand how relationships work and How to Be Happy Partners: Working it out Together will teach you the skills you need to communicate and ask for what you want.

        Couple and Free 4th EditionHappy Partners scan

For low-cost counseling, email me at tina@tinatessina.com

Author's Bio: 

Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D. is a licensed psychotherapist in S. California since 1978 with over 30 years experience in counseling individuals and couples and author of 13 books in 17 languages, including It Ends With You: Grow Up and Out of Dysfunction; The Unofficial Guide to Dating Again; Money, Sex and Kids: Stop Fighting About the Three Things That Can Ruin Your Marriage, The Commuter Marriage, and her newest, Love Styles: How to Celebrate Your Differences. She writes the “Dr. Romance” blog, and the “Happiness Tips from Tina” email newsletter.