Dear Dr. Romance:

My husband and I are always getting into arguments and fights. I am writing to you through someone else's email because if I tell my husband about contacting you we will probably get into a fight. He does not want to go to a therapist or get any type of counseling. Do you think I should tell him anyway? I think about ending the marriage but then I go back thinking it will get better.

We are both from the same religion and speak the same language which I thought should make things easier. According to our tradition the husbands parents live with the son. So his mother lives with us. I am just tired of our fights.

Dear Reader:

I think you should just get counseling on your own, and talk to your therapist about whether to tell your husband. Just because you speak the same language and have the same religion, doesn't actually mean you have the same ideas about marriage.You need to decide how much of your culture you wish to abide by in a new country. and then discuss it together. If it's a problem that his mother lives with you, and he's strong in his tradition, then your marriage will probably not work. However, if you stop fighting, and start setting boundaries, you might be able to repair it.  "Couples Can Cooperate for Success" and "Asking for What You Want" will be very helpful, and you can show them to your husband. Whatever you do, make up your mind about this marriage before you have children. How to Be Happy Partners: Working it out Together contains information and exercises that will help you learn how to communicate better with your husband.

Happy Partners cover

For low-cost counseling, email me at


Author's Bio: 

Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D. is a licensed psychotherapist in S. California since 1978 with over 30 years experience in counseling individuals and couples and author of 13 books in 17 languages, including It Ends With You: Grow Up and Out of Dysfunction; The Unofficial Guide to Dating Again; Money, Sex and Kids: Stop Fighting About the Three Things That Can Ruin Your Marriage, The Commuter Marriage, and her newest, Love Styles: How to Celebrate Your Differences. She writes the “Dr. Romance” blog, and the “Happiness Tips from Tina” email newsletter.