Dear Dr. Romance:

I have met a new guy and I am very interested. He's a veterinarian. I first talked to him on the phone about my ailing horse. The attraction was there even before I met him. When he came to check on my horse the spark was there and it seemed that it was the same on his end. He came back out another time and the attraction once again seemed to be there also on his part. I asked him to a party I was having and he said he would let me know. He called and said that he had a family member that was dying and had to go out of town, but he seemed genuinely disappointed that he couldn't come.

When he came back to check on my horse he said he had really worried about me when he had left the night my horse was sick. He seems interested but is very hard to read. Should I send a thank you card with a note telling him I would like to get to know him better and suggest meeting for coffee? If he does not call after that then I guess I was reading something into it that was not there. Or is there another way to get his attention? Almost everything I have read tells me that the guy wants a challenge and if I make the first
move then I appear needy.

I am not needy but I am very picky and I really haven't felt a connection with anyone that I feel with him in a very long time but I don't want to freak him out if there is an interest there on his part or lose him as my vet as he is a really good vet.

Dear Reader:

I think a thank you note with an invitation is a great idea.  There's no way to know what his mixed messages mean until you test it.  Asking him for coffee is not too confrontational and shouldn't cost you the veterinarian relationship if he's not actually interested. He may be being cautious because you are a customer,too.  My article "Asking for What You Want" will help you understand gender differences in communication.  Dr Romance's Guide to Finding Love Today  includes guidelines for transitioning to dating from a business acquaintance.


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Author's Bio: 

Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D. is a licensed psychotherapist in S. California since 1978 with over 30 years experience in counseling individuals and couples and author of 13 books in 17 languages, including It Ends With You: Grow Up and Out of Dysfunction; The Unofficial Guide to Dating Again; Money, Sex and Kids: Stop Fighting About the Three Things That Can Ruin Your Marriage, The Commuter Marriage, and her newest, Love Styles: How to Celebrate Your Differences. She writes the “Dr. Romance” blog, and the “Happiness Tips from Tina” email newsletter.