Dear Dr. Romance: I am surrounded by negative people and thoughts
Written by Tina Tessina - Dr. Romance
Dear Dr. Romance:
I am writing because I am surrounded by negative people and thoughts, including my family. I have no support structure. I hide from neighbors so people won't ask questions. During the day I am on the computer being as proactive as I can.
My question is I have a very hard time being positive, my self esteem is low and confidence level too. When I date men notice it and it can be a turn off. I don't have the "I can get this" type of attitude. Change is not easy and it doesn't come over night but are there any books you can recommend or tapes I can listen to?
I am on the Internet trying to find someone special to marry someday. I am 48, never married and no children. I am supposedly going to meet someone this weekend. I got sick last weekend so I had to reschedule and we chat online a little bit. I never had the pleasure of enjoying a good relationship much less a good sex life and I would like that too. Thank you in advance. I look forward to hearing from you.
Dear Reader:
Yes, if your original family and old friends are bringing you down, it's a good idea to keep your distance until you are strong enough in self-esteem to see that their negativity is their problem, and has nothing to do with you. Your worst enemy, however, is probably yourself. If you listen to your self-talk, you'll realize that you're being as negative toward yourself as your family is. This is the basis of your low self-esteem. The good news is you're not stuck, you can fix it. "Mirrors and Teachers" and "Coping with Critics" will help you handle difficult people, "Attitude: From Negative to Gratitude" will help you change your outlook, and "Your Primary Relationship" will help you improve your relationship with your self - the model for all your other relationships.
It Ends With You: Grow Up and Out of Dysfunction has the exercises and information you need to improve your self-esteem, and understand and counteract your family dysfunction.
For low-cost counseling, email me at tina@tinatessina.com
Article author
About the Author
Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D. is a licensed psychotherapist in S. Califo
ia since 1978 with over 30 years experience in counseling individuals and couples and author of 13 books in 17 languages, including It Ends With You: Grow Up and Out of Dysfunction; The Unofficial Guide to Dating Again; Money, Sex and Kids: Stop Fighting About the Three Things That Can Ruin Your Marriage, The Commuter Marriage, and her newest, Love Styles: How to Celebrate Your Differences. She writes the “Dr. Romance” blog, and the “Happiness Tips from Tina” email newsletter.
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