Dear Dr. Romance:

Several years ago I met this man. it was instant attraction for both of us. we fell instantly for each other but he had a girlfriend.  I gave him the space he needed and we both agreed to just be friends. we tried it once when they broke up but it was difficult.  So I got a boyfriend and stayed with him for a year and a half.  

We eventually broke up and I still couldnt forget about the other man.  He broke up with the girl again and we tried to have a relationship.  Everything was good until she came back into his life. He said he cared about me but was so confused as she had been a part of his life for seven years.

I gave him a year to get her out of his life; but I couldnt control my jealousy and started dating again. Its been a year and just like i predicted she's out of his life for good.

However, I have now been dating an amazing man for three months. althoughI havent been able to get my ex out of my life. We're like best friends and have so much fun together.  I feel so guilty because my boyfriend is so good to me and yet I can't get my ex out of my head and my heart. i dont know what to do.

Dear Reader:

You're trying to insure that you get the perfect man, and so you're sitting on the fence, not willing to commit. Love doesn't work that way -- you have to commit, and then work together to create a satisfying, lasting partnership.

I'm guessing the newer man is a better bet, because he hasn't cheated on you or anyone else, but only you know for sure. Stop daydreaming about "The One Who Got Away" Cut off contact with him, and commit to the relationship you have. You said he's "amazing" what more can you want? Read "Couples Can Cooperate for Success" to figure out how partnership works, and "You Be the Judge" and "Stupid Cupid" to find out which man is the good one. How to be a Couple and Still Be Free 4th Ed  gives you what you need to build a successful relationship.

  Couple and Free 4th Edition

For low-cost counseling, email me at tina@tinatessina.com

 

Author's Bio: 

Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D. is a licensed psychotherapist in S. California since 1978 with over 30 years experience in counseling individuals and couples and author of 13 books in 17 languages, including It Ends With You: Grow Up and Out of Dysfunction; The Unofficial Guide to Dating Again; Money, Sex and Kids: Stop Fighting About the Three Things That Can Ruin Your Marriage, The Commuter Marriage, and her newest, Love Styles: How to Celebrate Your Differences. She writes the “Dr. Romance” blog, and the “Happiness Tips from Tina” email newsletter.