Dear Dr. Romance:

I am currently reading your book, The 10 Smartest Decisions a Woman can Make Before 40  and absolutely loving it. I have been married for a year and four months and we are going through a really tough time right now. I have suggested counseling and my husband accepted today. However, we keep fighting all the time and frankly speaking, I don't think I want to be in this relationship anymore. I know I don't love him and I'm not attracted to him anymore and I'm of the view that is standing in the way of me making a great effort to rectify things.  I would appreciate any words of wisdom you may have.

Dear Reader:

Thank you for writing me. I'm so glad you found the book helpful. It's good that you and your husband are going to counseling: even if it doesn't help, you'll know you gave it your best shot.  No one else can stand in your way; just do what you need to do, and don't make him the bad guy. He's just doing the best he can, and it takes two to fight. Take yourself out of the fight, and he won't be able to fight alone. You may be using him as a block because you're afraid to take the risk of changing. "Asking for What You Want" will help you learn to speak up for yourself in an effective way.
 "Getting Out of Your Own Way" will help you get moving and end your need to blame him for not making an effort.  You've already read the right book, now you need to put it into action.  It probably doesn't have to be a choice between your marriage and having the life you want. How to Be a Couple and Still Be Free 4th Edition will help you two learn to communicate better, and give you a new focus for your relationship.

The 10 Smartest Decisions a Woman Can Make Before 40 k  Couple and Free 4th Edition

For low-cost phone counseling, email me at

Author's Bio: 

Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D. is a licensed psychotherapist in S. California since 1978 with over 30 years experience in counseling individuals and couples and author of 13 books in 17 languages, including It Ends With You: Grow Up and Out of Dysfunction; The Unofficial Guide to Dating Again; Money, Sex and Kids: Stop Fighting About the Three Things That Can Ruin Your Marriage, The Commuter Marriage, and her newest, Love Styles: How to Celebrate Your Differences. She writes the “Dr. Romance” blog, and the “Happiness Tips from Tina” email newsletter.