Dear Dr. Romance:

I read your article about RESCUING: "Avoiding the Drama Triangle".

I have been rescuing my mother from the big bad wolf my father. He would beat my mother, beat me, and beat my sister.  I decided to rescue her. She decided for me to rescue her from her second husband, when she needed money, favors, grocery shopping, and now health problems.

As I realized this from reading your article, I vomited and began to get rid of the dynamics of being a rescuer.  It is so ingrained that It is a challenge to step away from it.

The story books for kids, Cinderella and so forth, talk about how the prince rescues the damsel in trouble.  All of it is psycho-addictive and unreal

Dear Reader:

Thank you for writing! I'm so glad the article was helpful (sorry about the vomiting, but it's not unusual to have a big reaction to this discovery.) You're right about the fairy tales. Your mom probably thinks she needs rescuing, like Cinderella. It's not wrong to be a good son, but it's important for you to have a life, too. "Drama, Trauma and Time Travel" takes you through an exercise to help resolve some of the old issues that taught you these dynamics, and "Growing Up as an Adult" will help you understand some of the dynamics you're dealing with. It Ends With You: Grow Up and Out of Dysfunction will help you find healthier ways to relate to your mom, to understand how dysfunctional relationships work, and how to change your responses.

IEWY new cover

For low-cost phone counseling, email me at tina@tinatessina.com

Author's Bio: 

Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D. is a licensed psychotherapist in S. California since 1978 with over 30 years experience in counseling individuals and couples and author of 13 books in 17 languages, including It Ends With You: Grow Up and Out of Dysfunction; The Unofficial Guide to Dating Again; Money, Sex and Kids: Stop Fighting About the Three Things That Can Ruin Your Marriage, The Commuter Marriage, and her newest, Love Styles: How to Celebrate Your Differences. She writes the “Dr. Romance” blog, and the “Happiness Tips from Tina” email newsletter.