Dear Dr Romance:
Thank you for your article "Age Differences in Dating".  I am a fortysomething woman whose fiance' died in my arms of heart failure three years ago. He was in his late sixties. Then I dated an ex-pro athlete who had a stroke and lost the use of his left side. My concern is that men are taking Viagra and other medications to enhance their sexual performance without checking with their physicians first. Often times these enhancers leave the man impotent or worse. I have to carry these memories around like airport baggage for the rest of my life and my sisters are now calling me 'The Black Widow'.

I want to date younger men because I now have this fear that every man I date will drop dead on me. No, I am not an older woman trying to maintain my youth through dating younger men, I'm just trying to avoid visiting my dates in the hospital. Again, thank you for pointing out an older woman's perspective.

Dear Reader:
I'm sorry for your losses. It would be nice if love followed rules, but I'm afraid it doesn't, and if you're attracted to a younger man, it might work; but you could find yourself attracted to another older man, too.   You might find my article "Surviving Loss and Thriving Again" will help you heal and face the future with more hope. Love Styles: How to Celebrate Your Differences will show you how to create a healthy relationship no matter what your differences.

Love Styles

For low-cost counseling, email me at


Author's Bio: 

Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D. is a licensed psychotherapist in S. California since 1978 with over 30 years experience in counseling individuals and couples and author of 13 books in 17 languages, including It Ends With You: Grow Up and Out of Dysfunction; The Unofficial Guide to Dating Again; Money, Sex and Kids: Stop Fighting About the Three Things That Can Ruin Your Marriage, The Commuter Marriage, and her newest, Love Styles: How to Celebrate Your Differences. She writes the “Dr. Romance” blog, and the “Happiness Tips from Tina” email newsletter.