Dear Dr. Romance: Perhaps we should have ended it sooner
Written by Tina B. Tessina
I'm currently going through a divorce after more than twenty years of marriage – perhaps we should have ended it sooner. She is insistent that she has nothing left for me and if I am an alpha male she is delta at best: very quiet and mouse like. I feel i have crushed and hurt her just by being here – certainly the last few years. I didn't know she was on chemical help and counselling. WHY DIDN'T ANYONE SAY ANYTHING? I'M SO ANNOYED.
I have always aspired to be a good husband and father and I have often failed badly I love her dearly and want to fight for it but doing so seems to hurt her more. I've been celibate for three years and I'm desperate for sex. She just doesn't do sex and almost never has! We had one child and lost one too. Instead of bringing us closer it broke me apart. Now I'm crying.
Dear Reader:
I'm so sorry things have gotten so bad. it sounds like you haven't been able to hear your wife's attempts to communicate. You can figure out how to save your marriage without intimidating and overpowering your wife. You can't get close to your wife if you can't hear what she's saying. "Are You Confident or Arrogant?" can help you see yourself and how you're interacting more clearly. There's an outside chance that apologizing to your wife might work to your benefit "Begin Again with an Apology" will help you understand what a true apology is. "Couples Can Cooperate for Success" can help you learn a different way to interact. "Getting to Yes" can help you find a way to be closer to your wife. Love Styles: How to Celebrate Your Differences contains exercises that can teach you and your wife better communication skills.
For low-cost phone counseling, email me at tina@tinatessina.com
Article author
About the Author
Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D. is a licensed psychotherapist in S. Califo
ia since 1978 with over 30 years experience in counseling individuals and couples and author of 13 books in 17 languages, including It Ends With You: Grow Up and Out of Dysfunction; The Unofficial Guide to Dating Again; Money, Sex and Kids: Stop Fighting About the Three Things That Can Ruin Your Marriage, The Commuter Marriage, and her newest, Love Styles: How to Celebrate Your Differences. She writes the “Dr. Romance” blog, and the “Happiness Tips from Tina” email newsletter.
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