Dear Dr. Romance: What does fighting in a relationship mean?
Written by Tina B. Tessina
Dear Dr. Romance:
Ok. So my boyfriend and I are 11 months strong, but for the past maybe 4 or 5 months it has been on and off fighting.
From big and important things to tiny pointless things. I dont understand why this is happening to us.. why? How can
this be resolved? I need help!
Dear Reader:
Every couple has to work out differences, but It sounds like you may have gotten polarized into competition with each
other. Instead of fighting about who's right and who's wrong, switch your focus to "what are we going to do to fix the
problem?" If he insists he's right, don't argue that you're right, instead bypass the argument by asking "what do you
think will solve the problem?"
If he says it's all your fault, ignore that, and ask what will fix it. If he wants you to do something about it, say "OK, I
will do that if you will do this." For guidelines on how to work problems and differences out without fighting, see
How to Be a Couple and Still Be Free and "How Not to Fight"
For low-cost counseling, email me at tina@tinatessina.com
Article author
About the Author
Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D. is a licensed psychotherapist in S. Califo
ia since 1978 with over 30 years experience in counseling individuals and couples and author of 13 books in 17 languages, including It Ends With You: Grow Up and Out of Dysfunction; The Unofficial Guide to Dating Again; Money, Sex and Kids: Stop Fighting About the Three Things That Can Ruin Your Marriage, The Commuter Marriage, and her newest, Love Styles: How to Celebrate Your Differences. She writes the “Dr. Romance” blog, and the “Happiness Tips from Tina” email newsletter.
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