Dear Dr. Romance:

I am a single woman in my late 40's. I've had several serious relationships, but unfortunately, although I lived with a couple of them, I've never been married. I have a minor physical disability, a stomach condition, but I am attractive, I look younger than I am, I'm well educated, and I've held responsible positions in management, with plenty of client contact.  My concern is that lately the only interest men take in me is to get my phone number and invite themselves to my house, which I decline, I know I deserve better and I am not a fast woman. Sex becomes extremely desirable to me when I am in a serious relationship. I'm beginning to believe that I will be alone for the rest of my life. Is this phenomenon of which I speak a result of the time we live in, or is it just that I am assumed to be some type of aging "cougar" who is now only good for one thing. 

I do not internet date, (my social skills and appearance are not lacking), I used to do a lot of dancing, I did bible study for four years, now I am studying guitar, I go to the gym, I go to clubs to see other performers, but I can't drink alcohol, (which for some reason seems to be a huge turnoff). I dress sexy, but in good taste, when I go out it's usually the LBD and maybe some trendy shoes to make it pop a little, very little make up. The only dates I can't go on is the dinner dates, because of my condition and the fear that the gentleman may want to eat some type of exotic food. But a jazz club, a movie, the beach, a walk in the park, are all good for me. What's going on? Is it just over at a certain age? 

Dear Reader:
With all your focus on how you look, and your mention of dressing "sexy" I think maybe you're sending the wrong message.  Even though dancing and bible study can be good places to meet a suitable date, it doesn't sound like you're taking time to make friends and get to know people. Perhaps you're focused on the men too intensely, and they interpret that to mean that you're looking for sex.  Instead of desperately searching for love, find a wider range of things to do that you enjoy.  Mingle with people of both genders, work together with them, read books, take classes, go dancing or play sports with them, and make friends.  Then all the external things you're worried about will not be important-- you'll get to know nice men before you decide to date them. Read  "Guidelines for Successful Dating"  and "Where is Love"  for more information. The Ten Smartest Decisions a Woman Can Make After Forty will give you details on how to do it successfully.

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Author's Bio: 

Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D. is a licensed psychotherapist in S. California since 1978 with over 30 years experience in counseling individuals and couples and author of 13 books in 17 languages, including It Ends With You: Grow Up and Out of Dysfunction; The Unofficial Guide to Dating Again; Money, Sex and Kids: Stop Fighting About the Three Things That Can Ruin Your Marriage, The Commuter Marriage, and her newest, Love Styles: How to Celebrate Your Differences. She writes the “Dr. Romance” blog, and the “Happiness Tips from Tina” email newsletter.