Dear Dr. Romance: Why this compulsion to cheat?

Dear Dr. Romance:

I'm looking at myself and asking the question, "Why this compulsion to cheat?" What will it take to keep my eye from wandering around? I'm divorced, technically, but trying to make amends with the ex. I love my kids, and an absentee father just doesn't fit my taste. I'd rather be there. I won't bore you with it. But everyone thinks I'm insane back with the ex.

Why do men cheat?

Respect. It's like number one on the list. Even the illusion of respect is most irresistable to the modern male. All the tiny little things that show respect are like catnip to guys. It's what we ultimately want more than anything else from a woman.

Sex. Taking care of business is important. Marriage is the riskiest gamble a man will ever make in his life. He stands to lose basically all of his assets in the one big gamble of "I do." Without a sex life, the guy is gonna leave even if it costs him everything he has. It is an unfortunate engineering flaw in men. Men need sex daily, and some guys need it more than once daily. Without it we lose our minds. Men are unfortunately highly prone to cheating in the abscence of sex.

Food. Who says guys are complicated? Food is basic survival. It is the most common complaint amongst men in the workplace. The man with the most appealing lunch is king. This is why I cook my own lunch and pretend that my ex cooked it. The man who eats from a can or frozen dinner is last in the pecking order. The other guys only make fun of the ones eating Ramen noodles. It's totally true. Men judge one another based on the lunches they bring to work. In fact, we are wondering when "Jerry" is gonna marry the girl who keeps making him those delicious looking salads he keeps eating. If you're looking for a wedding ring, food is key.

Finally, Companionship. Too many old men have said the same thing for it not to be true. Men like stuff, whether it's football, racecars, boats, hunting, four wheeling, etc. The women who are accompanying their men are the ones most admired. It is a huge message to be present some of the time for this boring stuff. It is a huge mistake to be absent from this junk. This is usually where the guy meets the other woman. Protection of assets makes it necessary to be present at least some of the time when the man is doing his thing. Don't say I didn't warn ya'll!

Anyhoo, enough blather from me. I feel like the retarded guy stating obvious things. While women keep getting dumped for obvious (and silly) reasons. Every time I see a good guy leaving home I just want to slap some sense into him. He won't listen to me without respect, sex, food or companionship. He's out of his mind and just won't listen!

Dear Reader:

You're right, you should be there. Creating a successful marriage (or repairing one) requires that you be a mature, not self-centered person -- in other words, an emotional grownup. We all have things that tempt us, from chocolate to spending too much on trinkets or gambling on the stock market. Adults learn how to forego these temptations, and focus on what's really important. If your relationship with your wife is working well, that shouldn't be too difficult to do. Yes, sex is important, but it's not life-or-death, especially not daily. Learn to work it out with your ex. Meet her needs first, and focus less on your own. Read "Guidelines for Being Understood" to help you get your message across. If you stay so focused on your own needs, without considering hers, you won't be able to get your family back. To open up the communication, read "Asking for What You Want" and "Couples Can Cooperate for Success". I hope you and your ex-wife are going for counseling to repair the damage to your marriage. If not, "Guidelines for Finding and Using Therapy Wisely" will help you find a good counselor. I can recommend two books for you. Charles J. Orlando's The Problem with Women... is Men will give you a man's perspective on repairing his own marriage. And Money, Sex and Kids: Stop Fighting about the Three Things That Can Ruin Your Marriage will help you and your wife learn to work things out.