If a man is depressed, it doesn’t mean that he will be able to fully accept this. He can then do just about everything that he can to hide what is really on for him from both himself and others.

One of the ways that he can do this is by more or less always being on the go and being focused on achieving things. Additionally, he can do what he can to create a certain image in order to receive positive feedback from others.

A Barrier

What this will do is help to keep how he feels at bay and, thereby, make it easier for him to deceive himself and others. Due to how effective this approach is, he might rarely if ever come into contact with his true feelings and the average person might not be aware of what is going on for him.

Naturally, it is going to take a lot of energy for him to maintain his act. As, if he was to slow down and be less focused on the external world, he might soon come into contact with a lot of pain.

His perspective

If he was to come across a man who is expressing what he himself is doing his best to avoid, he could end up criticising him and seeing him as weak. He could believe that he needs to pull himself together and get over what he is going through.

This could be seen as something that he will be able to do by taking action. Along with this, he might say to himself that he needs to start working out, controlling his thoughts and emotions and achieving things.

His Philosophy

Based on this, it will be clear that he believes that being depressed is a sign of weakness and reflects an inability to handle life. Most likely, then, if he was to face how he feels, he would no longer see himself as a real man.

Therefore, it is not a surprise that he himself is unable to fully acknowledge that he is depressed. To maintain the view that he has of himself as a strong and capable man, he will have to block out what is really going on for him.

A Heavy Weight

However, although he might generally be able to do this, there could come a point in time when it is no longer possible for him to do this. This could be something that takes place as he gets older and his energy drops, or it could happen after he experiences a loss of some kind.

So, let’s say that he ends up experiencing a loss; this can be a time when he will end up in a very deep hole. He will then have very little if any energy and he won’t be able to avoid how he feels by doing and achieving things.

One Outcome

Assuming that he is in this position, he could believe that there is nothing that he can do and he could contemplate ending his life. What this is likely to show that he doesn’t feel comfortable enough to reach out.

He will then be in a very bad way but, for some reason, ending his life will be seen as his only option. This will illustrate that he feels trapped and as though he has absolutely nowhere to go.

Another Outcome

Then again, he might not think about ending his life but reaching out to others might not be seen as an option. He could then be surrounded by people but he may as well be on an island in the middle of nowhere.

Regardless of if he is contemplating ending his life or not, the reason he is unable to reach out for support is likely to be the same reason why he wasn’t able to acknowledge that he was depressed before. If he had done this before, he would have probably experienced shame and it is likely to be shame that is holding him back now.

A negative response

If he had opened up about what was going for him, he might have expected to be humiliated and rejected and he can believe that this is what will happen if he opens up now. One way of looking at this would be to say that it is a consequence of living in a society where men are largely expected to be strong and emotionless at all times to be seen as real men.

Another way of looking at it would be to say that even though the conditioning that he has received from society will have played a part, what is likely to have played a bigger part is what his early years were like. This may have been a stage of his life when he was deprived of the love that he needed to develop a healthy relationship with himself.

Back In Time

For example, he might have had a mother and perhaps a father who was emotionally unavailable and didn’t attune to a number of his needs and feelings. Along with this, he might have often been criticised and left when he expressed certain needs and feelings.

As he was egocentric, he would have come to believe that there was something wrong with a number of his needs and feelings. He would have also come to believe that he would only be accepted if he hid parts of himself and played a role.

A Natural Consequence

Of course, many years will have passed since he was a powerless and dependent boy, but, deep down, he won’t realise this. The wounded child parts inside him will have played a part in why he created a disconnected false self.

For him to become an integrated human being and be real as opposed to playing a very restrictive role, where he is a caricature of a man, he is likely to have a lot of pain to face and work through. This is something that will take courage and patience and persistence.


If a man can relate to this and he is ready to change his life, he may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

Author's Bio: 

Author, transformational writer, teacher and consultant, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, self-worth, enmeshment, inner child, true self and inner awareness. With over three thousand, two hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice.

To find out more go to - http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/

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