What makes it difficult for us men to recover from a divorce is an unpleasant feeling of anger. This feeling may be destructive yet it is natural. It is one of the stages of grief and is a phase you may find hard to overcome. In divorce, it is not as easy as getting rid of self-pity and recover in an instant. You may get stuck in a cycle or an unending feeling of bitterness and animosity.

If you have been through a divorced relationship you could relate to how hard it is to be in the situation. You may feel like you want the person to know how much pain she is causing you. You would want her to suffer as much as you do and finally find her apologizing right in front of you. This is a natural feeling for us to feel a sense of power and seek for justice for the undeserved situation she had caused us.

In the olden times, justice was determined by power and ranks. Learning from history, when did rage and anger yield lasting results? When did anger and an iron fist settled disputes and misunderstandings? It is just your instinctual reaction to a feeling of being taken for granted or maybe cheated in a way. It is just a sudden outburst that you could experience due to seeing injustices someone did to you though sometimes you could be wrong. In a way, it is a matter of perspective.

This anger may worsen and get even more destructive. You may feel like you have surpassed this state yet you still hold a feeling of animosity towards the person. It can make you wish for your ex’s troubled future relationships and a devastated life. Also, this can affect your perspective and the way you see life.

The reasons why you need to overcome this destructive feeling

The following are experiences you would not want to be in when you keep a feeling of grudge or resentment:

  • Apprehension
  • Downheartedness
  • Low self-esteem
  • A feeling of wanting to get even
  • Problems with relationships in the future
  • Stress

If you can let these feelings pass, you may find out that there is happiness in having a peace of mind. The energy you waste in keeping that feeling of anger or animosity if directed towards productive things, may give you fulfilment in life.

Overcoming anger and animosity

The answer on how you can overcome these feelings is through forgiveness. Though there are many prejudices or biases with this word, it is the only answer to the unresolved conflicts. With forgiveness, you may find more reasons to be happy in life.

Forgiveness is NOT

  • Forgiveness does NOT necessitate you to forget about the pains a person have caused you. You may be able to forgive yet it is hard to forget. Not being able to forget would remind you of the lessons you have learned from the situation.
  • Forgiveness is NOT about justifying the actions of neither your wife nor yours just to make things okay.
  • Forgiveness is NOT about developing a tolerating nature towards concerns about neither yourself nor your wife.
  • Forgiveness is NOT about patching up things and mending broken relationships. Our goal here is not to restore what is broken rather for you to live a new life.
  • Forgiveness is NOT an issue about religion rather it springs from your realization of a need to let go. However religion provides us with reasons why it pays to let go of animosity.
  • Forgiveness is NOT an escape from anger rather it is a way to break loose from the bondage of hatred and a cycle of bitterness. It gives you acceptance of the often agonizing feeling and gives you peace of mind that may give way to a better and happier life. So let the wind spread the ashes of your past and be on your way to finding a new meaning in life.
Author's Bio: 

For more discussions on how to deal with the complex nature of divorce, check out my full Men After Divorce E-book. It would give you more realizations on how to break free from the painful situations through forgiveness and would lead you to a happier disposition no matter how hard it is to deal with divorce.