Do You Hear Me?

Marriage and relationships can be the most beautiful and fulfilling commitment in life. When you have a strong and fulfilling marriage it can make life and situations that one must go through so much easier because you have that support from the other person. What really makes a relationship though? What are the key factors that make a strong relationship that can withstand the test of time? Well that is debatable to many.

What is important to one couple or person for that matter, might be completely different to the next. A successful marriage is about both having the same key factors that are important to both parties involved. But sometimes over time, with growing and learning, those factors might change for individuals. So how does one keep that from happening to preserve their marriage? Communication is key. Just like any relationship, whether it be work, friendship, family or a romantic relationship, without good, quality communication it will be doomed to fail.

As a mother, communication can be one of the hardest things to keep up with because of all the obligations that you have with such a job. Being a busy mom can strain even the strongest of relationships. Communicating with my spouse, I must admit, is not the easiest thing in the world to do. Trying to listen to your husband over the loud screams of children, or while concentrating on the many pots you have on the stove because you are trying to prepare dinner on time, while going over what you need to get at the grocery store, or even while you are trying to listen to the TV is not easy at all. But there is hope! From my experiences it seems that most couples divorce or have the most problems when they have kids especially around the toddler ages. Kids can make it tough on marriages and relationships, but of course it isn't on purpose. It is our responsibility as parents to get through the “rocky stages” of our marriage. Here is some advice I can offer to a busy mother that might be going through this.

1) Set aside time alone with the hubby after the kids go to sleep. This is especially hard for me because when the kids go to sleep, I want to too! But believe me it works. During the day, you might just want to write down things you would like to talk to your hubby about. With mommy brain, you will probably have to write everything down anyways.

2) On days that you don’t have anything to talk about, play a board game or do something fun. This is good because these type situations are good “lead ins” to stories about the past or just learning something you didn’t know about the other person. Doing something fun is always good to opening the communication channels.

3) Counseling. Enough said. Having an unbiased third party there to help you communicate is great. Especially, if you or your spouse are not the best at expressing themselves. They might get you to see and hear something that you didn't realize the other was saying or vice versa!

4) Final key of advice is that if you need to talk to your hubby about something sensitive write it down in a letter. Why you ask? Well it depends on what kind of communicator you are. Sometimes when we talk to our spouses about sensitive subjects there is usually high emotions (anger, sadness, etc) attached to it. It is easy to get emotional about it by yelling, crying, or just saying something plain mean because of hurt feelings. If you write it down, you will be better to communicate your feelings. You can edit it too! When you talk about it…..once it is said it is said. You can’t take it back. And that can almost always lead to an argument which will just lead to yelling and/or crying and communication is lost.

I hope these can be help to someone out there!