We read about it all of the time.
Wealthy men in positions of power who cheat on their wives. Some of them have multiple affairs.
Even if you aren't married to a man who is rich and powerful, you might be concerned that someday the corrupting influence of power-- or an aspiration for power-- will lead your man astray.
When you hear about a man like Tiger Woods, who is married to a gorgeous model, reportedly cheating with 9 or more women, you can't help but ask yourself, “Why?”
Why would a man who seems to have it all, break his relationship agreements?
Was it an out of control ego? A belief that he can have anything or anyone he wants?
Did the power corrupt his values and ethics?
We can't say what motivated Tiger Woods-- or any other high profile man-- to have affairs.
What we do know is that if you want to point a finger of blame solely toward power, you're missing a huge piece of the puzzle.
Yes, of course, these men-- and any person-- who cheats needs to take responsibility for his (or her) actions. A choice was made when an affair was entered into.
At the same time, there is almost always a whole range of factors at work when infidelity happens.
If you truly want to prevent an affair from happening (or from happening again) in your relationship, it would be wise for your to open up to consider this range of contributing factors.
Don't miss the lessons...
It can be tempting to say to yourself, “Well, of course, it was the power that led him to cheat” or “It had to have been the low cut dress that she wore that night,” or some other declaration.
When you attribute an affair to solely power, money, or even the allure of the “other woman,” you miss the lessons.
In every experience, there is valuable information available. Even if you are leaving this relationship after the infidelity, you can still benefit from learning from what happened.
While there certainly may be some negative effects of living a lavish life of privilege and power, there are also almost always other dynamics going on. When cheating happens, it is usually the case that all of these dynamics played a role in the couple becoming disconnected and distant from one another.
Start at the places of disconnection and look at what started and increased that sense of relationship distance.
It might be the communication habits that a couple has fallen into. It could be the way that they do (or don't) handle conflicts when they arise. There might be jealousy or insecurity that has driven a wedge between them.
When you look for the lessons, you are focusing more on learning and growing and less on who (or what) is to blame.
Create a plan...
The great thing about opening up to the wide array of possible contributors to an affair-- or to distance in a relationship-- is that now you can create a plan that will positively turn things around.
If communication is weak, for example, you and your partner can acquire new strategies and tools to improve it. If you have a jealousy problem, you can figure out what is triggering the jealousy and begin to make changes.
Again, even if you have left the relationship, you can still work on your personal habits that may have played a role in distance in your past relationship.
When you look at where you are right now and where you'd like to be, you might feel overwhelmed.
It could be that you and your current partner seem to have no trust or respect left. Don't try to create a plan that will solve your trust issues once and for all. This would be wonderful if you could, but it's unlikely.
Instead, be very specific about what is taking you two further apart from one another and identify 2 or 3 next best steps that you both are willing to take that would be an improvement.
Include in your plan agreements that are time-specific and will help you take these next steps.
Remember, there are plenty of men who are wealthy and powerful and who also are faithful to their wives. Power is not necessarily the problem.
We recommend that you and your partner become em-powered and take responsibility for your disconnecting habits and begin to turn them around.
If you are worried that your man is cheating and you want to know what's truly going on, click here for Susie and Otto Collins' FREE report: “The 12 Biggest Relationship-Killing Mistakes You Could Be Making If You Suspect Your Man Is Lying Or Cheating.”
Relationship coaches and authors Susie and Otto Collins, have written many books and programs including: Should You Stay or Should You Go?,Relationship Trust Turnaround, Stop Talking on Eggshells, and No More Jealousy.
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