Doing All the Talking

On a recent cross-country flight I was seated in front of a gentleman who was highly intelligent, skillfully articulate, and utterly clueless. How did I know all this about the man who sat behind me? For the entire four hour flight he talked, and talked, and talked, and talked. I learned about calcium deposits, chemical formulas, countless medical studies, and how to best run the high-tech company from which he was recently fired.

His partner in this conversation was an unsuspecting college student. This I learned when they introduced themselves during the safety information presentation. I felt sorry for this poor, naïve guy. Every time I peered around to put faces on the voices of this one-sided conversation, I noticed the college student's eyes glazed over and a look of disconnect on his face. It appeared he was struggling through the long flight as if he was in an extended statistics lecture.

Why is it that some people have a need to do all the talking? With absolutely no inquiry into his partner's interests or needs, my talkative flight mate seemed to use the uninterrupted time to express his thoughts, frustrations, desires, and hopes to the stranger next to him. It was as if he gained therapeutic benefits from the monologue. And, in fact, he probably did complete the long flight feeling very good about the exchange.

In return, he likely missed out on learning much about his seatmate. I can't help but wonder where the conversation might have gone if he would have asked a few things like:

• What is your experience?

• How would you have addressed an issue like this?

• What is your opinion on...?

Have you had a conversation lately where you did all the talking? Where you didn't make the most of the question-asking opportunities you had before you? Talking can feel good--cathartic even. It can help us sort out our thoughts and clarify our intentions. But listening can be just as beneficial. In the midst of a talker, at least on an airplane, an iPod turned up loudly works too!