Don't Do It Alone!

“DON’T DO IT ALONE!”
by Dr. Gary W. Downing

The kids are sick, it’s been a hectic week trying to keep up with an overwhelming schedule and my checking account is overdrawn. I’ve just returned from a fund-raiser where people have been singing my praises. But, I’m troubled. I can’t get my mind off the beautiful lady who crossed her legs in the front row and I couldn’t help but notice – and notice again. What do I do?
I’m struggling with the future. I’m sensing a possible nudge from the Lord, calling me to a different ministry. At the same time, I’m upset over the way my supervisor has been treating me. I don’t feel I’m getting the affirmation (or the pay) I deserve. A young, inexperienced staff person is getting more attention and I have to admit, I’m jealous. I’m wondering if I’m over the hill. What do I do?
While these are hypothetical situations, each of us – no matter who we are – have to deal with at least three big issues in life … sex, money and power. Most of us believe deep down that we have to face those issues alone. Sure, we can go to God – but there are a few things we can’t share with our staff people or there are some thoughts we can’t share with our spouses or families. What do we do?
An answer for me has come over the past few years from an unusual source. A man who is very different from me has become a “friend closer than a brother.” He has become a confessor, spiritual director and someone who looks to me for mutual support in his personal spiritual growth and encouragement in ministry as well. While our covenant partnership is a fourth priority (behind our commitment to God, family and work), it has helped us overcome the feelings of facing the world alone and isolated. We have sought to honestly open our lives to each other – not for therapy nor for a replacement of other avenues for spiritual leadership – in order that God become Lord of our lives.
The vital difference that supportive accountability makes is experienced in small ways … by a phone call, a note in a personal journal, a day away in retreat, etc. Nothing we have done together over the past six years is considerably out of the ordinary, but the impact has been extraordinary for me personally.
I’ve discovered in our partnership the freedom of losing total control. I’ve confessed in tears and I have celebrated with shouts of joy in the context of sharing my life with my best friend for ministry. I know that day or night, in or out of town, for good news or grim disasters, my covenant partner is only a phone call away. He will drop everything to come to my rescue if I need him. There is nothing (except for my most intimate life with my wife) that I cannot share with him. He’ll listen, he’ll comfort me and he’ll challenge me. I can be real, unfiltered and irrational, yet he affirms me and calls me to be all I can be in the Lord.
I think the myth of the rugged American individualist has to be exposed as an empty, lonely caricature of what I believe God intended for all of us in leadership. Even the Lone Ranger had Tonto; and Paul has Barnabas. David had Jonathan; and Naomi had Ruth. For me, my “friend closer than a brother” (Proverbs 18:24) has been the most significant factor in my spiritual and professional survival.
My advice to you is: “Don’t do it alone!” Ask God to lead you to a covenant partner with whom you can share your spiritual journey and your ministry in a personal, powerful way. [Check out www.friendmakerforgod.com for more info]