Don't Tell Your Partner What To Do

The subject line says it all. We simply spend to much time on telling each other what to do. And even worse, what to feel. I’m sure you went through this: you said or did something your significant other didn’t like. After he/she let’s you know in some way that it was hurtful what you said or did, you spend an hour explaining that you didn’t mean it that way.

WRONG!

Instead of spending hours forcing your point of view upon your spouse, try understanding.

Feelings can be unreasonable, but they’re still feelings. And in a relationship, and even in daily life, feelings are all that count.

People tend to ignore feelings that seem unreasonable. A horrible, but often made, mistake.

Because of this many relationships become a structure of ‘Rights’ and ‘Wrongs’, where both halves adjust their behavior to the others’ rulebook. In this parent-child relationship one is always giving/adjusting a bit more than the other. This will lead to a passive aggressive reaction, and eventually cause your relationship to end.

Understanding each others’ feelings, whether they’re right (according to you) or not, is THE KEY to any strong relationship.

A structure of ‘likes’ and ‘dislikes’ resulting in compromises is the heart of a healthy, more comfortable, relationship. With this structure you’ll both be able to fully express yourself. Which gives more space and motivation to fully commit to making each other happy.

It’s okay to not like something your spouse did, but that doesn’t necessarily make it wrong. There is no need to make your spouse feel guilty for doing the thing he/she did. Just as much as there is no need for your spouse to approve or disapprove your reaction to it.

Understand each other. Allow yourself and your spouse to own the feelings you have.

You’ll feel much better and your relationship will flourish.

I promise.