Dear Dr. Romance:

I'm  in my early twenties.   I got to this country a few years ago from the mideast.  I met this lady that was in her thirties,  we dated for a couple years then she offered to marry me to improve my immigrant status.  I used to love this lady I'm  in my early twenties.   I got to this country a few years ago from the mideast.  I met this lady that was in her thirties, we dated for a couple years then she offered to marry me to improve my immigrant status.  I used to love this lady that as old as my mom and everything was fine while we was dating,  but as soon as I put the ring on her finger the cover got blown away,  and her action shifted.  

The whole reason for her idea is to have a young handsome man to show off, and because of my immigration status and her knowing that I'm basically stuck, she runs my life like a prison.

I'm going through a lot of stress, accusations, control,and mental games just because of my situation.  Immigration laws force you to stay married 5 years to that person in order for you to get legal in the USA, regardless of the circomstances that the marrige is going through. When we first got married I didn't have a job, so she forced me to get one and I don't see nothing wrong with that,  but I can't understand why she says that I can't work with women and I work so much and i'm cheating every time I can't answer the phone.  I lost three jobs because of her coming to my job sites "inspecting" her husband and whatever.

I know a lot of other people who are going through the same exact thing for the same reason and a couple of cases people got deported back where they came from (Arabs and Mexicans) just because their wife, and in a few cases husbands, got what they wanted out of the relationship and they wouldn't sign the "release "form (a paper the sponser signs saying that he or she is really married to that person and they been together all the 5 years ) reminding you that they were taking the money the time and the life of the other person the whole time and then refuse to sign.

If you decide to use my story please don't mention any names .

Dear Reader:

This is about getting married for the wrong reasons.  You wanted to become a US citizen, and so this lady offered to help you do that, if you married her.  That was the bargain, and now you don't like the cost.  The good news is, you have only one year to go.  Try to make the best of it, and get your citizenship, and then when you've put in the five years, you can make a new choice.

Perhaps if you try listening to what she wants, she'll be able to hear what you want.  "Asking for What you Want"   will teach you a better way to communicate. You two don't trust each other, so "Attitude: From Negative to Gratitude" will help you calm down and approach things differently.  

 It Ends With You: Grow Up and Out of Dysfunction will help both of you understand each other.

It Ends With You

For low-cost counseling, email me at tina@tinatessina.com

Author's Bio: 

Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D. is a licensed psychotherapist in S. California since 1978 with over 30 years experience in counseling individuals and couples and author of 13 books in 17 languages, including It Ends With You: Grow Up and Out of Dysfunction; The Unofficial Guide to Dating Again; Money, Sex and Kids: Stop Fighting About the Three Things That Can Ruin Your Marriage, The Commuter Marriage, and her newest, Love Styles: How to Celebrate Your Differences. She writes the “Dr. Romance” blog, and the “Happiness Tips from Tina” email newsletter.

Dr. Tessina, is CRO (Chief Romance Officer) for LoveForever.com, a website designed to strengthen relationships and guide couples through the various stages of their relationship with personalized tips, courses, and online couples counseling. Online, she’s known as “Dr. Romance” Dr. Tessina appears frequently on radio, and such TV shows as “Oprah”, “Larry King Live” and ABC News.