Dr. Romance: "Don't Call Your Ex!"
Written by Tina B. Tessina
Dr. Romance "Don't Call Your Ex"
Dr. Romance’s How to handle being dumped
DO put it in perspective If you're dumped, it hurts, but count your lucky stars. You don’t have a relationship if the other person's not really interested.
DO understand that there were problems already It's never easy to find out that your relationship, long or short, is over. Once bonded, even if the relationship is terrible, both men and women have trouble breaking away. So if you’re dumped, the other person really wanted out.
DON'T idealize a bad relationship: In counseling people who got dumped, every client realized the warning signs that were ignored early in the relationship. Don’t pick out the few good moments you remember and ignore what wasn’t working.
DO try to learn from the experience After the initial upset, review the dynamics of the relationship and analyze what went wrong, what you could have done differently, and what you learned. There’s no need to give yourself a hard time about it, just process the information, so you don’t repeat mistakes.
DON'T expect closure from the dumper It is lovely when two civilized grown-ups can dissect what happened in the relationship, tell the truth, ask for forgiveness and absolve each other. But this usually happens years later. Closure requires getting truthful answers to your questions about what happened __ to understand why. After a breakup, both of you are upset, hurt, and guilty and probably won’t be telling the truth, even if you understand it. Neither of you really wants to hear the truth this soon. Longing to talk "just once more" to your ex is just asking for pain.
Adapted from: Dr. Romance's Guide to Finding Love Today
For low-cost counseling, email me at tina@tinatessina.com
Article author
About the Author
Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D. is a licensed psychotherapist in S. Califo
ia since 1978 with over 30 years experience in counseling individuals and couples and author of 15 books in 17 languages, including It Ends With You: Grow Up and Out of Dysfunction; The Unofficial Guide to Dating Again; Money, Sex and Kids: Stop Fighting About the Three Things That Can Ruin Your Marriage, The Commuter Marriage, and her newest, Love Styles: How to Celebrate Your Differences. She writes the “Dr. Romance” blog, and the “Happiness Tips from Tina” email newsletter.
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