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Dr. Romance's Guidelines for Creating a Sexual Agreement:

* Set up a problem-solving session:

* Having a time to talk about sex will help you create trust and sexual openness which makes finding solutions much easier.

* Begin with reassurance and good will, reminding each other of your love and of your desire that your sexual relationship be fulfilling for both of you.

* Remember, underneath your anxiety, frustration and struggle, each of you is longing for the other to care about what you want, and to understand you.

* If you have difficulty talking to each other about this, read these guidelines aloud and follow them step-by-step. This is a prime opportunity to improve all the communication in your relationship and get you out of being stuck.

* Remind each other, "I love you, I want our relationship to be good for both of us."

*Share your wants, needs, and ideas: Be honest about your sexual needs. Your partner may feel more like you do about sex than you think; but you'll never know that unless you're willing to express your own feelings and listen to him or her.

*Being honest means not only telling the truth; but also being willing to hear the truth from each other.
Making honesty OK is the key to achieving sexual understanding. The only attitude that works is this one: "I may not like what you tell me, I may have trouble hearing it, but I will still love you, and we will work together to come to an agreement that works."

from Money, Sex and Kids: Stop Fighting about the Three Things That Can Ruin Your Marriage


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Author's Bio: 

Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D., "Dr. Romance," http://www.tinatessina.com, is a licensed psychotherapist in S. California, with 35+ years experience in counseling individuals and couples and CRO (Chief Romance Officer) for Love Filter - the Relationships Website. She's the author of 13 books in 17 languages, including Money, Sex and Kids: Stop Fighting About the Three Things That Can Ruin Your Marriage; Lovestyles: How to Celebrate Your Differences; and The Unofficial Guide to Dating Again. She publishes the Happiness Tips from Tina email newsletter, and the Dr. Romance Blog. She has written for and been interviewed in many national publications, and she has appeared on Oprah, Larry King Live and many other TV and radio shows.