​Early Deprivation: Can A Man Have A Lot Of Unmet Developmental Needs To Grieve If He Had An Emotionally Unavailable Mother?

Even if a man had a mother who was emotionally unavailable and unable to provide him with the emotional nutrients that he needed, it doesn’t mean that he will be aware of this. He might not remember a great deal about this stage of his life.

But, if he were to think about this stage, he could think about how this was a time when he received everything he needed. He could also say that his mother loved him or words to that effect.

The past is present

Now, assuming that he doesn’t remember a great deal and believes that his mother loved him, it doesn’t mean that his life won’t show signs of what this stage of his life was really like. For one thing, he could typically be drawn to women who are emotionally unavailable and out of reach.

He might be in a relationship with a woman who is like this, or he might have recently been with a woman like this. If he has recently been with a woman like this, he might not be in a good way.

A Low Place

He might have been with her for a number of months or longer, but now that it is over, he can feel very low. Due to how low he feels, he might often think about ending his life.

This can show that he was very fond of her and even loved her, or it might not be this black and white. Either way, breaking up with her will have made it hard for him to carry on as normal.

A Pattern

This could be the first time that he has had this experience, or he might have been in this position on at least one other occasion. If he has, and he were to step back and reflect on his life, he might see that how he feels is how he felt before.

He might see that now, like then, it is as though his life is over and he has no reason to live. Along with this, he can be filled with a deep sense of loss and feel empty.

One part

One thing that can keep him going is the belief that he will end up getting back together with his ex. This could show that he has been talking to his ex and they have spoken about meeting up.

Then again, he might not have spoken to her since they broke up and, thus, has no reason to believe this. In this case, what he believes will allow him to keep how he feels outside of his conscious awareness and, thereby, make it easier for him to function.

External Feedback

If he were to speak to a friend about what he is going through and has gone through in the past, they might say that he is just unlucky. Conversely, they might suggest that what is taking place in this area of his life is a replay of what it was like for him during his formative years.

After hearing this, he could say that his early years haven’t got anything to do with what this area of his life is like. He could say that he just needs to meet a woman who is available, and then it will be different.

Going Deeper

Nonetheless, if he were able to go back in time and observe what it was like for him during his formative years, he might see how similar his adult years are to this stage. He might soon see how out of reach his mother was and how she didn’t provide him with the attunement and care that he needed to grow and develop in the right way.

The outcome of this is that he would have been deeply wounded and greatly deprived. To handle the pain of not being able to attach to and then break away from his mother, his brain would have repressed how he felt and a number of his needs.

A Futile Struggle

But, although he would have lost touch with a number of his needs, he would have still struggled to be loved by her. Deep down, he would have hoped that if he struggled, she would finally love him.

But, as she probably wasn’t able to love him, most likely because she herself hadn’t been loved during her formative years, it wouldn’t have mattered what he did. This stage of his life will be over, of course, but a big part of him will still be trying to receive the love that he missed out on.

A Replay

This part of him has no sense of time and is blind, so it won’t be able to accept that another woman is not his mother and that it is too late for him to receive what he missed out on. This part of him will then cause him to be drawn to women who are out of reach, and it will it will give him the need to make them available.

Once a relationship with a woman like this comes to an end, he will come into contact with how he felt and the needs that his brain repressed when he was a child. These feelings and needs will have been held inside his unconscious mind.

Drawing the Line

For him to no longer try to unconsciously resolve his childhood and put an end to creating depriving situations with women, he is going to have beliefs to question, pain to face and work through, and unmet developmental needs to experience.

This will take courage, patience and persistence.

Awareness

If a man can relate to his and he is ready to change his life, he may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.