If someone doesn’t have a strong connection with their body and their feelings, something significant might need to take place for them to realise this. It might seem strange that they wouldn’t be aware of this.

However, if they have been for way for most of their life and, thus, this is just what is normal, there is going to be no reason for them to be any other way. What can also play a part in this is that they could live in a society that is very repressed and where healthy emotional expression is not encouraged.

Another Part

Along with this, they could be surrounded by people who are also out of touch with how they feel. Due to this, the people in their life are not going to pressure them to be any other way or notice how disconnected they are.

If they were to experience a loss, though, this might allow them to see that they don’t have a very good connection with their feelings. Still, this is not to say that they will come to this conclusion more or less straight away.


Initially, they can wonder why they are in so much pain and are unable to keep it together and function. Perhaps they have lost a loved one or experienced a breakup, for instance.

Of course, what they are going through will have caused them to experience pain. What will have added to this pain is the pain that was outside of their conscious mind and was held in their unconscious mind.

The Catalyst

What has taken place in their life, then, will have unlooked pain that was held in another part of them. After they have come to see that old pain has entered their conscious awareness and have started to connect to their body, they could wonder where this pain has come from and why they have lived on the surface of themselves for so long.

They will have been estranged from a big part of them and this will have also weakened them. By living upstairs, so to speak, and not being rooted in their body, they can often feel anxious.

Another Consequence

Furthermore, not being connected to how feelings will have cut them off from the guidance that they provide. Instead, they will be accustomed to relying on their mind to direct their life.

Their feelings will also allow them to deeply connect to others and life, so feeling lonely and isolated can be something that they are familiar with. From this, it will be clear how important it is for them to be rooted in their body and connected to their feelings and instincts.

What’s going on?

When it comes to why they would be this way, it can be due to what took place during their formative years. This may have been a stage of their life when they were greatly deprived and deeply wounded.

Practically from the moment that they were born, they might have received misattuned care. Therefore, they would have often been left when they needed attention and received attention when they would have rather been left, for instance.

A Tough Time

These experiences would have caused them to be overwhelmed, and, as they were powerless and dependent, they couldn’t change what was going on or find another family who could attune to their needs and generally meet them. The only thing that they could do was gradually lose touch with their feelings and a number of their needs and leave their body.

They would then have been firmly rooted in their body when they were born but ended up losing this connection as time passed. After this stage of their life, they might have continued to be neglected and been verbally and/or physically abused.

A Divided Being

Their recent loss would have weakened the defences that they had in place and allowed some of this repressed pain to enter their conscious awareness. So, as painful as it will be for them to have reconnected to this pain, it will be a blessing in disguise.

If this hadn’t happened, or if it had, but they were able to carry on as before, they wouldn’t have been able to become more whole and integrated. It will now be vital for them to face and work through this pain.

Further Back

Lastly, if what took place during their formative was not what caused them to lose touch with themselves, it can show that they were traumatised earlier on. In this case, their time in their mother’s womb might not have been very pleasant.


If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

Author's Bio: 

Author, transformational writer, teacher and consultant, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis cover all aspects of human transformation; including love, partnership, self-love, self-worth, enmeshment, inner child, true self and inner awareness. With over three thousand, six hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice.

To find out more go to - http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/

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